another fat lady caught on camera

i'm a huge fan of people not giving a shit what they look like when they go out in public, but this woman needs to check herself:

i saw this gal at the at&t store near cumberland mall. this time i wasn't afraid to put myself in the middle of the action to get these shots, unlike the incident at chickfila, which i am still regretting (see post from 6.30.2008). honestly, i could have done a little better by getting a shot of the sandals from the front, but i knew the only way i could score one would be saying something like this: "hey sasquatch, you look ridiculous. i need your picture for my blog." and even i'm not that mean. i know that the socks-with-sandals look isn't that astonishing, but do not underestimate the power of the sock/tevas *and* really effin' bad pants. quite a formidable combination.

i bet i could pull off this look, but only because i'm very good looking.

quite a productive weekend

so andy says to me, "last night i was watching the video game awards..."

good grief.

---

on a related note, i played some old nintendo games this weekend. andy & i spent the weekend with our friends naomi & brandon at their new house in newnan. brandon has some old game system emulators on his xbox and i spent about 2 hours reliving my childhood. here are my reviews.

• paper boy:
  
  i figured i would rule at this game since it's been at least 12 years since i last played, but i totally sucked. the concept is ridiculously simple, but it has got to be the hardest game ever. i throw a paper a little too late, which breaks my subscriber's window and for some reason that doesn't count as a delivery? they got their paper, didn't they?! infuriating.
  
  
• bubble bobble:
  
  i never played this much as a kid, but i remember spending hours watching my brother & his friend chris play it. if you're not familiar with this game, don't waste your time because it is nowhere near as awesome as i remember it being. it has the same music in each level. don't blame me if you can't get the tune out of your head after watching the video...
  
  
• adventure island 2:
  
  for some reason the original adventure island was not available through the emulator so i had to settle for #2. like bubble bobble, this game is nowhere near as awesome as i remember. andy made fun of it and called it a mario rip-off. i was like, "no way this is totally different," but as i played it...yep...just like mario. the main character rides a dinosaur that looks a lot like a pokemon, although i cannot recall which one.
  
  
• excitebike:
  
  this game did not disappoint me; it was just as cool as i remembered it. check it out here.
  
  
• 1943:
  
  this was probably my favorite game when i was younger. i remember renting it numerous times, and then i got it for my birthday when i was like, 8 years old or something. the music is pretty good.
  

while i'm reminiscing on the days of nintendo goodness, check out this video. sometimes i sing this commercial to andy and he thinks i'm making it up. never!

santa was early this year

i've been telling andy that he should buy a new vacuum for, oh, about three years. only recently has he begun to agree with me. he's using a hand-me-down from his parents, which is totally fine because it was free and it works. it's always emitted a stale odor with a hint of dog, but if you lit a scented candle after vacuuming you wouldn't notice it. lately though it's started to smell less like dog and more like electrical fire. we'd checked out a few vacuums but andy could never justify spending $100 when the one he had still worked. plus, he's infatuated with the dyson models and didn't want to be stuck with an inferior vaccum just incase it started raining dysons or something. anyway, we kept expecting this old vacuum to go at any moment. and by "go" i mean explode into a flaming ball of destruction.

the day after thanksgiving i went shopping, mostly out of boredom but also figured i might could score some good stuff for cheap. i saw a decent bissell bagless upright at big lots for $70 and figured i'd give it to him for Christmas, but i didn't buy it...couldn't tell ya why, i guess i just had a feeling i shouldn't buy it. a few days later andy told me he'd told his parents that he wanted one for Christmas. so i was glad i didn't get him one.

and then earlier last week i was driving home - it was about 10:30pm so some people in my townhouse complex had already put their larger items on the curb for thursday trash pickup - and of course i drove by real slow just in case there was anything "good" up for grabs. in the past i've gotten some awesome free stuff out of the trash piles: a big fake tree (sold it at a yard sale for $35), two nice patio chairs (currently on andy's patio), and a small utility shelf (it's now in the laundry room). this might embarass most of you, but i have no shame. then i saw it. standing tall and proud behind a busted chair and some cardboard boxes was a vacuum, glistening in the moonlight. it looked too good to be true, and i figured it was broken if it was in the trash pile. so i kept driving. but then i thought, hey, if this thing works then 1)andy would have a better vacuum for free and 2)i'd have a good story to tell. so i turned around and put the vacuum in my trunk. i tested it the next morning and it worked perfectly as far as i could tell. this weekend we bought a new filter, gave it a thorough cleaning, and vacuumed every inch of andy's condo. we're still wondering what's wrong with it.

fire drill

there was a fire drill at my office building a few weeks ago. hooray for safety. some lady came up to me while we were all standing around on the lawn and said , directly to me like we were pals, "ugh, these are so inconvenient." before i get into this story, let me paint a picture here: this lady - let's call her "sharon" - mid-forties, average build, neat appearance, uptight & snooty-looking. snooty because her husband makes major bank but she still has to work as a secretary so they can afford a second home. she was wearing a really weird red & gold/black plaid skirt - pleated - and a red ribbed turtleneck sweater. yes, i remember that outfit because it was that bad. i know it doesn't sound bad, but it was. don't let my lack of photos inhibit your imagination. so sharon just walked right up to me and made that statement, pretty much assuming that i felt the same way, and for the record i did NOT feel the same way. maybe she was hoping we could bond over the experience of walking down a crap-ton of stairs. i don't know what floor she works on, but i'm on floor 20 so i walked down about...yep, a crap-ton of stairs. unlike my plaid friend, i welcomed the opportunity to get some exercise & enjoy the afternoon sun. i don't even think i have to mention the nice 30+ minute break from doing work, PLUS, the free publicity when everyone who works in the building is checking everyone else out as they make his/her way to safety (oh wait, am i the only one who does that?) i was pretty annoyed that anyone would make such a statement, and i said "uh, you know what would be inconvenient? AN ACTUAL FIRE." just like that, all mean and stuff.

what's the good word?

thanksgiving break, full of ups & downs.

pro: lots of food
con: i ate lots of food

pro: had a great hockey dream last night, scored two goals, yes!
con: i dont get to play hockey until january

pro: gt over uga
con: almost gave me a heart attack and i think i have heartburn/indigestion


and if you're wondering what the good word is, it's "to hell with georgia"

maybe next year, chron

only a handful of people are going to think this is amusing. just so you know.

my brother & i play a stupid game around this time of year: the race for boiled custard. i'm not sure if you could really call it a "game," and i totally just made up the name i mentioned there, but it's fun. it always seems to be the case that the loser is completely caught off guard, which is also good for a laugh.

so some background info - my brother & i grew up drinking boiled custard as a holiday treat. this stuff - along with mary ellen's homemade ginger cookies - signified that the holidays were upon us, ie. santa was on his way, most likely bringing us an excellent haul. ah, good times.

anyway, like egg nog, boiled custard is a seasonal item. unlike egg nog, it is delish. tastes like really rich vanilla ice cream melted down and then chilled. a tall glass of this stuff - which is what i am inclined to drink right when i buy it - will send me into diabetic shock. so i am almost forced to train with smaller portions a few days prior to full-on custard consumption mode. back in the late eighties i remember it came in a small carton, like a really skinny milk carton. now it comes in those plastic jugs and thank goodness it comes in a half-gallon size, you know, for those lonely nights. and so far i've only seen kroger's brand. apparently they've got the market cornered (and i'm possibly the only one buying, so whatever).

POINT IS, this stuff is sacred. brings back some good memories. oh, and it's freaking delicious. my bro & i get a kick out of how we, as kids, used to make a huge deal over something that costs four bucks. now we have this "thing" where if he or i think we've spotted the first batch of the season, we have to call the other and gloat. i know for a fact that this is my third consecutive year winning (which is weird because i usually steer clear of the dairy case). i saw some tonite, bought it, and made the call: "hello dear brother, i want you to listen closely: i am now the owner of something delicious!!" and with absolute certainty as to what i was referring, he told me he'd get me back next year.

i love gooooooold

sunday (yesterday) i did something that i don't usually do: i sat on my ass in front of the tv [and watched tv] the entire day. i got sucked into this stupid "the lottery changed my life" mini-series on tlc which was pretty entertaining, but the ads during the commercial breaks were all for those gold buyback programs which are pretty damn annoying. you know the ones: "i had no idea my gold jewelry was worth so much money!" here is a snippet from one of those commercials, starring possibly the most frightening woman alive. woman? i bet you already know what i'm about to show you...



and omg they totally trick you into watching the commercial because the first woman is attractive. then they pull the ol' bait and switch. oh and don't get me started on the 3rd lady - "i got more money than i ever imagined!" really. more than you could *ever* imagine? anyway now i'm getting into advertising tactics, but my point is that i'm extremely frightened by the 2nd lady. i think i'll have to check under my bed for monsters before i go to sleep.

damn i love me some tv

oooh, oooh! tv time. it is the bestest time. right now i am trying to blog whilst watching the finale of america's next top model. eh, who am i kidding. i can't do *anything* and watch antm at the same time. this show gets 100% of my attention. so, i'll be back in a bit.

--

alrighty. tyra just crowned another winner of antm and i am sad because once again there will be this huge void in my life... so thank goodness there are more shows to watch:

• the biggest loser
  
  this show makes me feel skinny and awesome. there's a lady on this season (the family edition) - vicky - and she pisses me off so bad. she's this hulking, manipulative troll, and while she is looking better since she's dropped some serious poundage, she is as mean as ever. also, she has a son named chance. i have a problem with that. i think it's a good name for a dog, not a human. unfortunately vicky is doing well in the game much to my (and my friend naomi's) dismay. naomi & i have gotten into this groove of emailing each other our frustrations over the show, usually right after it airs. here's a snipppet:
  
  "omg...vicky. i despise her! everytime she opens her mouth or does one of her evil looks i have to turn to brandon and say "WHAT A BITCH!" she needs a beat down..... i will be anxiously waiting for her to be voted off. and yes, heba is a retarded fat cow and she is next in line on my hate list."
  
  dude. harsh. naomi, you are a bad, bad girl.
  
  
• stylista
  
  ah. another elimination challenge show. this gem is from the makers of top model and project runway and is a huge waste of time. which means i'm watching it. the contestants are vying for an internship as a fashion editor at elle magazine. think the devil wears prada as a reality show.
  
  
  
• paris hilton's my new bff
  
  this really needs no explanation. and i am not going to apologize for watching this.
  
  
• the real housewives of atlanta
  
  they've got more money than they've got sense, but i'll still watch 'em on tv. the show follows 5 ladies from atlanta (well, metro) and features footage of their day-to-day activities, relationships, and personal projects. all of it is complete rubbish. all of these gals have personal assistants, chefs and stylists, but one actually has a personal shoe salesman. i can understand having a chef, a maid, and all that, but come on. makes me sick because that shoe dude probably makes way more $$ than i do. he's gotta be laughing all the way to the bank. so one chick (the only white one) is an aspiring country singer which makes absolutely no sense because she can't sing, oh but wait, she knows dallas austin and she thinks he's actually going to produce her album. she's totally nasty. as my brother would say, "money can't buy class." the lady with the shoe man is trying to launch a clothing line, and it's laughable because she just pays other people to do the work - as in, she has to hire someone to sketch for her since she is obviously talentless, and you better believe another person does the sewing, and then someone else does marketing, etc. most of the show focuses on how they are all two-faced backstabbing whores. they insist they all knew each other before the show, but i'm not buyin' it.
  

wow is that it? i seem to be slacking on the number of series i am watching. oh, i was totally watching project runway season 5 and top design, both on bravo, and both are over now. this was my first season watching project runway and i'm an addict now. top design was stupid but i got sucked in early so i had to finish it out. right. now i'm just waiting for the apprentice to return and i will be happy.

another game i like to play

if you're having a bad day, maybe this photo of a random guy with a sweet 'stache will make you chuckle.

i was searching for some graphics on google images for a project i'm doing at work, and this is what came up when i queried "independent counsel resources." friendly looking fellow. what's so awesome is that his name - well, a common abbreviation of his first name - is exactly what you'd think it would be. go ahead, take a guess. you can find the answer here. fun game, huh. sometimes i think i look like a "stephanie" in some of my photos.

today i exercised...

...my right to vote. boo-yah! this post is brought to you by my boredom as i watch the election coverage on tv (as soon as paris hilton's my new bff comes on, i'm changing the channel).

back o' the line bright and early at 7:10

dedicated fulton county citizens endure a long line.

my passion for democracy is clearly evident in this photo. clearly. but really, i think i look pretty good for having just rolled out of bed. and screw you if you think i'm lame for having someone take my photo.

life on mars

(no, not the tv show)

scientists should send me to mars to probe for signs of life. it is guaranteed that whatever creatures exist there will bite me.

for added grody-ness, here are some pics!!

*update - i censored by request, but honestly it's not that gross except the fact that it's a shot of my foot. if you really wanna see it just click the image.* these are fire ant bites from saturday. i totally just took this pic like 5 minutes ago. i know, it could have been a lot worse, but these still hurt/itch like hell. perhaps i should leave my shoes on while tailgating in the grass.

i don't know what bit me here, but it was rough.

advertising

awesome:

as i was driving to work on tuesday i saw an airplane working on a skywriting. there was a big "A" and an "I" and something that looked like the beginnings of an "R." kinda weird to see that at 8:00 am but figured that skywriters need practice just like anybody else...or some lucky lady in atlanta was about to be surprised with an early-morning marriage proposal. the following day around mid-afternoon i saw the same thing, but this time i could see "AIRTRA" which i figured could be airtran. and then i saw it again on my way home from work as i was driving on the interstate. funny i never saw the entire message. i tried to get a picture of it but my camera was stuck in my purse and by the time i got it out of the case i had veered off to the west and couldn't see it anymore. major failure, and i'm still disappointed with myself. anyway, mystery solved: http://www.ajc.com/business/content/business/delta/stories/2008/10/22/air_tran_skywriting_ads.html

target stores have this awesome ad/promotion thing for "going green" in people magazine this month. there is a postage-paid address label printed on the inside cover and if you remove the cover (front & back) you can make a little pouch. and then if you stuff the pouch with 5 plastic bags from target stores, seal it up, put your return address on it, and pop it in the mail, target will mail you a reusable tote bag. how freaking cool. and its totally free, as long as you can round up 5 target bags. i haven't done this yet but i better act fast before someone else in my office steals the people magazine.

this is totally unrelated to advertising, but it does fall under the category of awesome: i scored my first goal last sunday. not just my first goal of the season, but first goal *ever.* totally rad. and it was a legit goal too. the bad news is now i guess i have to put up more points or i'll look crappy.

tastes like burning

new food in my neighborhood:

pollo brassa - this is a casual rotisserie chicken place in the old giorgio's pizza location across from post collier hills apartments. peruvian flare. i feel bad making judgments on this place since it's very new and they don't really have their shit together, but i'll give you the scoop. really tasty chicken. weird atmosphere. still feels like giorgios except it's brighter and there's no pizza. they need to ditch the foam cups and plastic cutlery. i have a feeling the disposable stuff is due to the newness. anyway, i left smelling like a rotisserie. not a good thing. seriously, the smell permeated every fiber of my clothes. i wore the same jeans again the next day to work and i smelled like burning. i probably even tasted like burning. heh.

bone garden cantina - really cool mexicanish place by the guys who brought you the vortex. i say "mexicanish" because although the food is definitely mexican, the servers look like they're straight out of a used record shop in little five points. or they're georgia state students. probably both. this place is on ellsworth industrial blvd between howell mill & marietta blvd. my friend walter has been telling me about this place for months. luckily i convinced my friends that six feet under was a bad idea (see post from february 27), and we wound up here. the restaurant is a part of the "lumber yard" complex which is really cool but smelled like a used diaper filled with indian food inside a rotten pumpkin, according to chad. so that was kinda nasty. the restaurant is small but the decor is awesome. total skeleton theme. there are custom paintings and sculptures that will definitely scare the kids. the menu is one of those a la carte deals which allows you to sample a lot of things, but doing so can get expensive if you're super-hungry. i kinda felt like i was gambling since i wasn't familiar with a lot of the items and wasn't sure how big the portions were. after i had ordered i got scared because heard this lady at the neighboring table say "this is nasty," directly to the server. anyway, i got a tilapia taco and a pork sope (pronounced SOH-peh) and both were awesome. i could have eaten another taco but my cheapness held my stomach in check. oh and the guacamole was great but not worth $4. so i'll definitely be back here as long as someone else is treating.

some stuff, part 2

i'm experiencing a noticeable lack of blog-worthy stuff these days, but screw that, i'm gonna type some stuff anyway because that's the joy of blogging.

- i wore capri pants to work today with sandals. maybe they were technically cropped pants, i dunno. anyway, my point is that it's hot as crap outside and i'm ready for fall weather. then i can wear long pants and closed-toed shoes and won't have to deal with comments about my feet looking long (see post from 9-25-08) hahahaha i'm still laughing about that.

- i have all this paperboard in my trunk because i like to recycle it. the most convenient place to do this is at my office, but i always forget to get it out of my trunk. so it just collects back there and i'm too lazy to bag it up. also, i don't like carrying it up there because most of it is beer boxes and i can't fold it up small enough to fit in a normal size bag

- if anyone needs a snowboard and bindings i'm trying to sell mine... i'll make you a deal!

- my hockey team is awful. i have yet to score a goal. i've knocked a few people on their asses, so i guess that's something. andy, on the other hand, is the best player on the team.

- my roomie bought another tv and another comcast dvr. so that makes two dvrs. score. this means i can record twice the crap that i usually do, like paris hiltons new bff and housewives of atlanta!! woo!! i've started to geting up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so i can peruse the listings and record all the garbage that's on. seriously, there are not enough hours in the day...

- jamie lynn spears is rumored to be preggers again. what a mess.

- here's a depressing piece - my mom's dog (prissy) had to be put to sleep. she was old. i'm thinking if her previous owner hadn't fed her all those blasted hamburgers from wendy's she'd still be here. r.i.p prissy!!

tuesday commute

so there was this huge gas shortage in atlanta, ya know, in case you didn't hear about it. i guess it started about two weeks ago, which is the last time i filled up my tank. the whole thing seriously pissed me off. no one seemed to be conserving gas at all. people were flocking to the stations, cars were clogging up the roads, and i got real close to having three or four car accidents. and i probably reached my quota of giving people the finger.

so in an effort to avoid fueling up, and purely for the sake of stickin'-it-to-the-man (and for my own amusement/torture, i guess), i took MARTA to & from work on tuesday. in theory, not a bad idea. in reality, WORST IDEA EVER. i was prepared to suffer, and i did: the 7-mile/15 minute journey i usually make in my car twice per day took an hour and 15 minutes (going). coming home however took almost 2 hours. the transit time alone sucked really bad, but the ride/overall experience itself was pretty shitty. can't say i wasn't expecting it. for one, i had read on the website that you could load fare onto your card on the bus (i had a breeze ticket with no funds). well that was either false or that feature wasn't working. at least the lady let me ride. so i bought a new card at the rail station. then on the CCT bus going home the driver told me that unless i call marta customer service to inform them i will be using my card on CCT, the card won't work on CCT: it works on CCT buses only when your trip originates with MARTA. it won't work on CCT if CCT is the first leg of your journey (which for me it was, coming from my office). i was completely unaware of this and then the subsequent transers messed up the card. the driver on the #37 bus almost ran over some chinese kids, the guy across from me was bitching about how loud another rider was talking - like, he was talking directly to me about how big of a moron this guy was - and well, it freakin' took forever. i was tired and cranky when i got home and wanted to kiss my car when i saw it.


yeah, gas prices are way too high, but i'll still pay up.

some stuff

over the past few days i've seen and experienced some interesting/noteworthy things. some made me laugh, some made me angry, some greatly frustrated me. regardless, i feel like i must share:

• leg warmers
  i was cruising through the mall in the accessories section and i saw a display of leg warmers. omg no way. big slouchy sock minus the footie. ridiculous. it was like i was in a time warp. if your legs are cold just wear tall socks. or warmer pants. oh...wait, i do get it. they're for fashion, not function.
  
  
  
• holidays are almost here!
  wha? i can't remember what is being advertised, but project 9-6-1 is playing this spot that says "the holidays are coming and you should come buy stuff" or something like that. well. of course the holidays are approaching. i think it's it's called THE PASSAGE OF TIME.
  
  
  
• dental hygeine
  here is a random and little-known fact about me: i floss my teeth every day. even when i come home drunk on friday night. i haven't missed a day in over 3 years. my dentist does not believe me.
  
  
  
• i have big clown feet
  someone in my office asked what size shoe i wore. i told her most of my shoes are size 8 (totally not boats). i was wondering what point she was trying to make, if any, and then she says "well, your feet look really long in those sandals." still wondering what she was getting at - i mean, that wasn't meant as a compliment, right? and funny, because those shoes were a smaller size. so i'm thinking this is the most pointless conversation i've ever had with anyone, ever. then she comes over to check my feet out, comments on the optical illusion of my shoes (something about the long piece down the center yada yada) and then says "oh, it might be because your pants are short" and i'm like bitch, they're called cropped pants, and are you trying to say i look ridiculous? the sad thing is that i thought i looked really good for once.
  
  
  
• uga flags on ambulance
  yep, that's right. if i needed to get to the hospital and that ambulance came to take me away i might just refuse the ride.
  
  
  
• my t-shirt twin
  i have this awesome t-shirt that says "aspen base operations" on the front. on the back is a nice graphic of the rocky mountains with some airplanes at the base and beneath it reads "park it in aspen." i bought it in the thrift shop in downtown aspen colorado. i saw this dude in costco wearing the exact same shirt. i went up to him and told him that i had the same shirt, only because i knew it was a rare find and because i was just curious about the shirt. he said he used to fly commuter jets into aspen and apparently that was the team shirt. so, that's kinda neat.
  
  
  
• old lady can't park car
  no surprise there. you know how some of the handicap spaces at cumberland costco are right at the front & totally separated from the other spaces by the curb? anyway, this old lady was trying to back into this handicap space and it was so pathetic. these spaces are huge and unless you're pulling in perpendicular to the space it's pretty much impossible to end up with your car outside the lines. she must have pulled up/backed in/pulled up/backed in like 10 times, and i think she curbed her tire and hit the sign post. at first i was like, oh, how sad, this old lady is having trouble parking. then i was like whatever, you suck at driving, get off the road.
  

the only reason i have a vick jersey is because it was on clearance at tjmaxx 5 years ago

when all the michael vick stuff went down a while ago i packed my vick jersey into a box with other random crap and stuffed it in the attic. this past sunday i decided to resurrect the jersey and make a few alterations:


see that? i totally turned the "7" into a "2." pretty freakin' sweet if you ask me, but it wasn't very durable. figures. i mean, there's only so much that one can demand of tape and sticky paper. my hair kept getting stuck to the tape, and bits and pieces of paper were sticking to whatever i happened to have my back against, so after a few hours it was back to vick. woof woof.

it's like a really bad disney movie

since i know shit about politics i usually steer clear of such topics; however, today i offer the following video:



i have always been fond of matt damon. and i think that if palin ever becomes president, i'll move to canada. at least there i could play more hockey.

the lip balm is $7

um, please please please tell me that this jack black brand is purely a coincidence and that jack black does not have his own line of skin care products. i've totally never heard of this stuff. maybe it's for old people, kinda like mary kay. anyway, i came across this while browsing sephora.com and after some quick googling i still don't have an answer. i'm guessing this name has nothing to do with *the* jack black only because the label is plain and the product descriptions are lame and totally unfunny. i figure if j. b. had some skin products the descriptions would be pretty awesome, like - straight from jesus ranch - "smells of shit, *liga guing gligagiggagoogoogwayogo"

*ok, i had to look that one up. i had no idea how to spell that. i'm sure that's wrong anyway.

jealousy

andy got an iPhone on wednesday night and has been ignoring me for days. i'm dealing with it.

here's a cool grasshopper i spotted on the hood of my car as i was driving to costco. he hung on for a while and even let me take his picture.

run for the border

yesterday andy & i both left our offices early so we could get down to gt campus and tailgate. we got there around 3 and saw no evidence that there was going to be a football game. we parked and set up some chairs, drank some beers, and NO ONE WAS tailgating anywhere around us. kids walking to/from class were looking at us funny. we thought maybe we had the wrong day. i mean how awesome would that be, two working adults just hangin' out drinking some beers under the magnolia trees next to the health center just for the hell of it...

and then we got this brilliant idea to hit up taco bell after we left the game. i was pretty pumped. i try to limit my intake of taco bell but it is so delicious and so when i go there i get really excited and order a lot. and i love the hot sauce. i really do. andy & i went inside rather than cruisin' the drive-thru for the very purpose of getting a lot of sauce. they don't give you enough when you ask for it at the drive-thru. so we ordered our food and i guess it was late so the staff locked the door. i saw andy grab a handful of sauce packets and when we got our food i totally forgot to get a bunch of sauce for myself. by the time i realized this i was already outside and of course locked out of the taco bell. i wanted to go to the drive thru but there were tons of cars in line and andy wouldn't have it. i was so pissed and honestly i didn't even wanna eat my treats because no sauce. oh it was horrible. but the food was good. and then this morning i felt funky, and i wondered why we had thought that eating taco bell at 10:30 would be a good idea. because it's *never* a good idea.

andy will never win

so there's this game my family & i play when we travel - basically if anyone in our group sees anyone he or she knows and can address this person by name and be recognized, he or she wins $20 from the person who initiates the game. if the initiator wins, everyone else who has agreed to the game pays a portion. the game begins only after someone has stated the rules. usually this person is smart enough to initiate once we're away from the home base. sometimes the rules vary, but hopefully you get the idea. a very cool example: my brother saw this dude he knew (the mgr at moe's in dalton) at the top of a mountain in aspen, colorado. we were taking a break from shredding the pow and saw him in a tiny pizza shack at 11,000 feet. we were pretty shocked, and my uncle paid him like 50 bucks or something. so now whenever andy & i travel i always try to get him to agree to the game. we were in the airport in cancun mexico yesterday and i found myself right next to this dude i knew from tech (we had a mutual friend and i used to spend hours copying his code). pretty weird. andy bought me $20 worth of mexican souvenirs. i don't think he wants to play the game anymore.

i'll post a link to the pics from mexico. it was a short trip.

poo

andy and i are watching the colbert report (like, right now) and he just mentioned this awesome story about inflatable feces. i usually pay close attention to news headlines, but this one escaped me somehow:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7558129.stm

homage to yardsaleaddict.blogspot.com

this past saturday andy and i went to a bunch of yard sales in the vinings/buckhead/smyrna area. i mapped about 12 of 'em out on thursday night and friday afternoon with the help of craigslist, ajc classifieds, and the "my maps" feature of google maps. with andy's gps and my printed map in hand we were ready to spend saturday morning driving around northwest atlanta looking over people's junk.

unfortunately we got a late start (after 9am). but we really weren't looking to buy anything anyway so it didn't make much of a difference. we found a cluster of sales that weren't on my pre-planned route that were puny and we didn't stop. we hit one estate sale in the bunch. it was probably the worst stop of the day, only because my expectations were high since the last estate sale i had been to was really kickass. this one was grungy, and the lady running the sale hadn't even bothered to clean up and organize anything. it was way too obvious that someone had recently died. *shudder.* i did manage to find a prize for my mom buried in a box with a bunch of old books and random stuff. she will be pleased.

the last stop of the morning was the coolest yard/garage sale ever. this sale ruled because:

• all items were either clearly displayed on a table or neaty organized in boxes
  
• items were clean and in good condition
  
• home owners were friendly and willing to negotiate prices

the only thing that sucked about this yard sale was that it started on friday, and we didn't show up until around 11am on saturday, so most the good stuff was gone. the homeowner had all this really cool historical stuff like bayonets, books, and civil war memorabilia. he also had collectibles and other useless (but awesome) stuff. andy saw a metal pencil sharpener that was shaped like a toilet but didn't buy it because it was three dollars. big mistake. i wish i had gotten a picture of it.

i don't like random-ass babies

the people that run this google blogger site are mocking me with photos of babies when i log in... and you know how much i love random babies. yikes. here's a screenshot:



i heard an audio clip on the bert show (q100) of anderson cooper talking about how bad "living lohan" is. i tried watching it when it first aired and it was so bad, and i love those kind of shows. but this one sucks so bad. good ol' anderson cooper shares my sentiment:




*this video may be hard to watch/listen to if you are annoyed by kelly ripa. waaaaay to perky for me*

wednesday

it drives me nuts the way magazines are numbered: ads aren't numbered, and some features don't show the page number. i swear i was thumbing through "people" trying to find p. 119 for like 5 minutes.

and speaking of "people" magazine, the special issue with brad & angie and the brood came in the mail to our office yesterday. this issue has a 19-page family album. it's so stupid. kinda made me nauseous. for one, i don't like babies (or photos of babies). i also know that brad & angelina's babies and future babies are and will be good-looking, so i don't really need to see them. if these children were albino, or really fat, or conjoined twins then i'd probably wanna check that out. oh and one of their adopted kids, maddox, has a blue mohawk. i think he's like 5. i can imagine angie/brad suggesting to the stylist that maddox get a blue mohawk, you know, so other kids will think that he's cool, just in case they forget who his dad is.

so i bought a used ibook before i realized my ipod nano doesn't work with 10.3.9. can i borrow 10.4 from someone? anyone? i'm also bummed because an upgrade will make photoshop go bye-bye. oh and i still need to sell my acer. wanna buy it? i'll make you a deal!

another unbelievable story

i am house/dog-sitting for my boss (michael) this week while he and his family are on vacation. they live in a neighborhood along the chattahoochee river. andy came over after work on friday to ride his bike around the neighborhood while i ran with the doggies. i got back from running and headed straight for the fridge for some water. saw something moving in my upper periphereal vision:


let me just say that i am not afraid of snakes. but when i found myself face-to-face with this thing i totally freaked out. andy heard me screaming from the garage but thought it was coming from some kids up the street. i made myself calm down a bit before i yelled at him to come upstairs to the kitchen because i didn't want him to think i had accidentally cut my finger off or something. so we're just standing there in the kitchen watching this thing inch along the top of the fridge and of course i grab my camera rather than focus on how to get rid of the snake. the worst part is that about an hour later we found the perfect snake-wrangling tool in michael's workshop.
due to our lack of quick-thinking in an emergency situation the snake escaped behind the vent. we took the vent off and even took the panel off the bottom of the fridge but no snake. the good thing is that i haven't seen him again. the bad thing is that i haven't seen him again. and i'm sleeping in that house.

you know you're old when...

i know i'm not "old" by any stretch of the imagination but sometimes i swear i'm 80. case in point: it's saturday night and i'm in bed with a crossword, next to andy who is reading a book. he says to me, "i think i should eat more fiber."

lately i've been hooked on sugar-free wintOgreen lifesavers. they're pretty good. as in, i ate a whole bag of them yesterday. i have tried to quit eating candy, mainly for the sake of my teeth, but i couldn't do it cold turkey and i thought these would be a good stepping stone on the way to recovery. so like i said, i ate an entire bag ( probably over a 8-hour period) and woke up early in the morning with a stomache ache. today i noticed this on the back of the package, "contains phenylalanine. excess consumption may have a laxative effect." good one.

first post with my mac

yep, i'm a convert. bought a used iBook G4 from a dude on craigslist. i'll be selling my behemoth windows laptop as soon as i can wean myself off it. my "new" mac is so cute and portable and pretty. i like it.

i realized i never fully explained the poo incident from last week. maybe you don't want to know, but of course i'm gonna fill you in regardless. the whole incident was so outrageous. andy gave me permission to publish the email he sent me, so here it is:

"This is a shitty one, literally. (Caution: disgusting). I woke up this morning and found a bunch of shit on my patio. Yes, shit. It looks like someone had diarrhea last night, hung their ass off the balcony above me, probably on either 3, 4, or 5 and let loose. It is spattered everywhere and stinks like, well, shit. There were flies swarming around it. I've already sent an email to management and they better take care of it before I get home today. I'm so fucking pissed off. I'm glad my hockey stuff wasn't out there.

So, I'm pretty enraged right now."

you may be wondering if the mess was cleaned up, and if we figured out what (or who) did it. and sorry, i gotta leave you hanging until the next post because i gotsta go...

things that go splat in the night

i've got a story so unbelievable that i don't even know how to tell it properly. i could spend hours drafting a clever narrative, but i think all i really need to say is that someone, or possibly some thing, shit on andy's patio. i wish i was kidding. more details to follow, but for now, please listen to the audio provided in this youtube clip:




*please don't think less of me for posting a dane cook clip. it was just too relevant to ignore.

another costume

well, sorry no post yesterday - my coworker forgot to bring in the costume for "sandy." but she brought it today, and here he is. i present his majesty:


i know, i know, this really isn't that funny.

Y-M-C-A

if you talk to me regularly or read my blog, you probably know that my boss (michael) often requires props for use in the courtroom and other such legal meetings. i walked by his office the other day and saw what i thought was a dead tree but it turned out to be a life-size posable mannequin in all his anatomically correct glory. thankfully, michael put some shorts on the dude later that day. you should have seen michael trying to dress the mannequin - it was a bit obscene, really. anyway, everyone is quite amused at michael's new man-toy, dubbed Sandy, and now that michael is out of the office for a few days we figure we'd have a little bit of fun. i dressed him in this snazzy number on friday and emailed the pic to my boss.


be sure to check back tomorrow to see what sandy's wearing!

would you rather buy awesome fireworks or a car?

andy & i went to his parents lake house for the long weekend. the fireworks were kickass. like, i think these fireworks were better than centennial park's and stone mountain's (maybe even those two shows put together), which came as a surprise to me, because all the fireworks were privately funded. as in, there was no official lake firework show, just a bunch of crazy people with a truckload of fireworks (and a truckload of money). it was rumored that the dude across the cove spent like ten thousand dollars on his show. this guy was shooting those things off for at least an hour, solid, and each one was substantial, none of that fizz & pop crap. so here are some cool photos i took with my dinky little *point-n-shoot camera:



*by the way, my camera is awesome. it's a panasonic lumix FX-10. $150. highly recommended (by me) as a general use camera. takes decent photos in tricky lighting conditions, considering the price. doesn't feel cheap like kodak. mine is blue and is really pretty.

sometimes i think i could eat 100 nuggets. but i don't order 100 nuggets.

andy wanted me to post this a month ago, so here it is:


this was taken on may 31 at the chickfila in dalton. i'm not sure what i should say. if you're mean (like andy), you are probably assuming this lady is about to enjoy a hearty snack. and by hearty i mean ten pounds of deep-fried goodness. a kinder, gentler soul (such as myself) does not arrive at the same conclusion. maybe all the food in the bag is for her kid's baseball team. so take the above photo for whatever you will. if it doesn't say "fat," i think it definitely says "cankles."

note: getting this photo was quite a risky and complicated operation. i was totally against it, but andy convinced me it'd be good blog material if i was to get a good shot. anything for the fans, ya know? we were sitting at a table right by the door, and i was sure this lady would notice me pointing my camera at her from a short distance of, oh, say, four feet. i tried to catch her just as she was exiting the restaurant but i couldn't get a good shot since i had to keep my camera on the table and kinda behind my drink cup in order to conceal it from her and from other chickfila patrons. i still feel kinda guilty for posting this. bah.

sorry i haven't posted in two weeks

a few days ago i was stuck in some pretty gnarly traffic. right by the taco bell on howell mill. nobody was going anywhere. this guy in the car behind me starts manifesting his frustration by honking his horn. not honking at any particular driver, but honking for the hell of it. he was gesturing wildly with arms and i'm pretty sure he got even more pissed when he caught a glimpse of my camera when i held it up to the rear-view mirror. heh. but i was especially nervous because each time traffic inched forward, he would get within an inch of my bumper. please don't ever be "this guy."

*many of you may be concerned that i was filming while operating a motor vehicle - rest assured, i am an expert. i was mainly trying to capture the audio, which is why i am not paying too much attention to what is being displayed in the video.

birthday card

my grandma sent me a card for my birthday. here it is:


and the inside:



1. i don't understand what the text on the inside of the card has to do with the content on the front. it's like someone chose two cards at random and then put the front of one with the inside of another.
2. strange choice of card for a granddaughter.

weird. but i got a nice fat check inside the card so all is well.

my brain is turning to mush

now that american idol is over for a while (as well as america's next top model) you may be wondering what kinda of trash i'm watching these days. here are the shows, in no particular order:

1. so you think you can dance - like american idol, but more entertaining. i like this show a lot more than ai primarily because i can't dance, and am impressed by good dancers. not as impressed by people that can sing, because i can sing pretty well. it's the truth. you should hear my shakira impression.

2. the bachelorette - ah, deanna pappas. she's from newnan (?) and of course i saw her get rejected by stupid jerkface brad womack on the previous season of the bachelor. this girl is gorgeous. i would totally go gay for her, assuming she would have me. *omg is she kidding?*

3. legally blonde the musical: the search for the next elle woods - stupid, but when has that stopped me from watching something?

4. hell's kitchen - have been a fan of this show from the start, but this season is the worst yet. chef ramsay's trademark is that he's verbally abusive while still being somewhat humorous and light-hearted, but this season he's just plain mean. i'm still waiting for chef to call someone a donkey.

5. 30 days - apparently this is the 3rd season of this series, but i've never seen it. it's by morgan spurlock, the dude that did the supersize me documentary about mcdonalds. much different than the other shows i'm watching, as it explores real social issues - a nice contrast to the other crap i watch.

6. last comic standing - each season of this show seems to be worse than the one before, but it's still watchable.

7. farmer wants a wife - on the cw network. this show sucks, but it's better than living lohan (ugh, i'll never get that time back). the guy up for grabs is extremely unattractive. i'm actually watching it right now online - it's so bad it doesn't deserve space in the dvr.

and before you think i'm a total idiot, i should probably mention that i read enough books to counteract all the brain-mushifying. but i also read people magazine religiously, which kinda mushes it up some more. oh well. if you have any book suggestions, i wanna hear them. needs to be something substantial. like, i've never read one hundred years of solitude, but i kinda don't even wanna risk it just in case it really sucks. so let me know.

i was a good person this weekend

andy & i spent most of memorial day weekend at his parents lake house on lake sinclair. weather was good, water was cold. i fell off the sea doo, which wasn't entirely andy's fault. he was churning up the water pretty good, going round and round in really tight circles so that we were on the verge of rolling over. that's the whole fun of it, and of course i was laughing and screaming and having a great time but my hands hurt bad from hanging onto that stupid strap. if you have ever ridden on the back of one of those things you know what i am talking about. andy stops with the twirling and i let go a little, and of course right then he peels out, hard left and i go flyin' off the back. andy had no clue that he was minus a passenger so he just kept driving, he probably got over 100 yds before he realized he had dumped me off.

we got back to atlanta late on sunday night and took all of our bottles & cans (from the weekend) to the recycling center at tech. it's fairly convenient since it's right off the interstate but it kinda sucks because you have to sort your glass by color, which is kinda hard to do at night, but i don't care because i looove to recycle. i'm quite a fanatic. if i am ever in possession of an empty can/bottle or any other recyclable material and there is not a recycling bin for it nearby, i will stash it in my purse or car and make sure it gets into the proper bin later. i don't go so far as pulling things out of public trash cans, but it angers me when i see trash can full of nothing but recyclable materials. the worst is at ikea, where there are recycling bins throughout the store, right next to the trash can. and of course the can is full of recyclable stuff.

i was planning on going wakeboarding with a few people from the tech club on monday morning, but someone wanted to take her babysitting charges on the boat and i was like hell no, i'm not going if there are kids in the boat. i won't even go into how stupid that is, because later the driver msg'ed me to say this certain person wasn't going to bring the kids after all. i think i had pissed them both off anyway so i figured i'd just sleep in and go another time when the water is warmer. i wonder if she brought the kids anyway. oh and there is so much drama going on in the club it's not even funny. once the club got kickass boats the douchebags came out of the woodwork. i'm definitely on some peoples shit lists right now, which sucks, but oh well.

monday afternoon andy and i had a nice picnic lunch on the patio at his office. yes, the man chose to work that day. since i didn't really have anything better to do, i donated blood at the red cross. it was a personal best time of 14 minutes, boo-yah!

so this weekend i recycled and gave blood. don't you feel like a horrible, horrible person? coincidentally, i also finished reading how to be good by nick hornby.

tornado damage

sometimes i hide swedish fish candy in the console of my car so that i will have an unexpected surprise later in the day/week. it's awesome when i find the candy and its all nice and warm and melty from the afternoon sun. i found some last night. it was a good night.

on a totally different note, here's a picture of some buildings that still show damage from the tornado a few months ago. i took this photo yesterday from the top of the underground atlanta parking deck. i heard that those windows were made of a special type of glass that's hard to find because it's old. or something like that.

blogging at work, about work

most of you probably know that i work for a law firm. i've never quite come up with an accurate, concise job title for myself, so when people ask what i do, i tell them that i do everything except practice law. this is often amusing to people who aren't actually interested, i.e. most of the people i've run into at engagement parties in dalton, ga. but seriously, i do a lot of stuff. it varies each day.

here's how my day has progressed:

came in at 8:30. unlocked front doors and turned on lights. emptied dishwasher. found my ongoing list of supplies that the office needs, looked up item numbers from staples website, and emailed list to the person that buys stuff. attempted to tidy up the av room. reshelved some old tapes. took photos of my coworkers for the firm's new website. listened to coworkers bitch about their photos. spent some time cropping and retouching those photos. helped coworker lay out a 4 x 6 envelope in ms word. photocopied checks, took checks to bank. took judgment from recent trial to cobb state court to be signed by judge and filed. time was approx. 12:15. nobody in chambers so i waited five minutes and buzzed again. again no answer. waited some more, buzzed some more. did every single person in that office go to lunch? sheesh. left courthouse and walked entire perimeter of marietta square. sat on a park bench for ten minutes, watched small children play on locomotive sculpture thing. watched big kids who were entirely too big to climb on the sculpture chase away the little kids and climb on the sculpture. went back into courthouse. no one in chambers. sat in front of window overlooking the square and watched the same big kids pile into a stretch limo. buzzed chambers again, no answer. unfortunately i left my cell phone in my car, so boredom came quickly. sat back in front of window. remembered i had play-doh in my purse. played with play-doh. organized my already-organized wallet. buzzed chambers yet again. no answer. strolled up and down the hallway. buzzed chambers again at 1:30, finally someone answered. dropped off file. got back to office, read email from coworkers. ate lunch. restocked beverages. put people's mugs into dishwasher. replaced toner in copier. retrieved the mail. sorted mail. made copies of stuff for boss.

some kind of boring today.

is "resurfing" even a word?

saw this van while driving home from work.

i mean, how cool/stupid am i, that i can fish my camera out of my purse and take a good photograph while traveling 65 mph? hm. anyway, i'm assuming this person means "resurfacing," because i'm not sure what surfing has to do with cabinets and countertops. then again, i could be totally wrong - i've seen all kinds of crazy services out there, and maybe this person comes to your house and teaches you how to relive any surfing experience in your own home, using your bathtub or countertops.

wingardium leviosa

i have a sample size packet of moisturizer by juice beauty and here are some of the ingredients:

organic juice solution of *vitis vinifera (white grape) juice, daucus carota sativa (carrot) juice, simmondsia chinensis (jojoba) seed, tocopheryl acetate (vitamin e), butyrospermum parkii (shea butter).

the words in parentheses were included just as i have typed them above. surely market research hasn't proven than using scientific names for plants increases sales, or increases a consumer's willingness to pay more for a product. i would rather read that my lotion is really a fruit smoothie than see this list and try to convince myself that butyrospermum isn't at all what it sounds like.

*now i know where j k rowling gets the names for magical spells

give a larbage - pick up your garbage

sometimes i am too nice. don't believe me?

- i endorse my checks and fill out the deposit slip before i get in line at the bank
- i try to center my car inside the parking spot
- if i am driving on the interstate and see a car ahead of me on an on-ramp, i try to get over one lane to the left so that the car can merge at their leisure.
- i yield to pedestrians
- if i drop a small piece of trash in a parking lot or in a public place i will pick it up
- if i am buying yogurt or something perishable and i know i am going to eat it in the next day or so, i try to buy the one that has a "sell by" date closest to whatever "today's date" is. as in, i don't spend five minutes digging through the dairy case for the container of cottage cheese that was *just* put in there.
- if i am shopping and knock a garment off its hanger, i put it back.

i guess it's not really being "too nice." it's more like being "socially responsible."

queue-cutting

i witnessed some textbook line-cutting behavior this weekend, and i'm not talking about methods for cutting rope or twine. andy and i were at callaway gardens for my friend rachel's wedding. there were two incidents of blatant line-cutting within an hour, by the same person. the culprit: someone's grandma or great-aunt. i mean, this lady thought she was slick. she knew no one would call her out on it either because she's old and unassuming.

#1: andy and i were at the back of a somewhat lengthy line to be escorted to our seats. we probably waited in line for five minutes, and all of a sudden this lady appears right next to andy, before we were greeted and handed programs. i mean, no harm really. sometimes you gotta make allowances for elderly or disabled people, but you could tell she knew she was breaking in line because she was kinda looking around, all shifty-eyed...you know the look. and as soon as she saw that andy and i noticed her there, she started muttering to herself, "oh, my, there appears to be a line here, pardon me!" and all that baloney (bologna?). i can see how there may have been a little confusion, because there were actually two activities going on in the back of the garden before the ceremony - some people were milling about and socializing near the ushers, and some people were actually in line to be seated. however, this was the kind of event where one commonly must wait one's turn, and i think that any shred of common sense would lead one to assume there is a line.

#2: upon entering the reception site, andy & i got in line for a drink. there were maybe eight or so people ahead of us in line (one of two lines), and it was moving slowly since there were many options and people seemed to be taking their sweet time deciding what to drink. quite a line had formed behind us as well. next thing ya know, i catch a glimpse of old person entering my periphery, and whaddaya know, it's the same broad. kinda hard to miss in the white suit. the guy behind us in line didn't seem too pleased either, and just when she detected our awareness of her presence, she pulled the same crap as before, kinda looking around and saying "oh goodness me, this must be the line." seriously, lady, what the freaking hell.

BONUS INCIDENT (unrelated to line-breaking, but amusing): i was signing the guest book and noticed that the vase holding the pens was precariously propped up against part of the podium next to the book. didn't look safe. i even said to andy "look, someone's definitely gonna knock this thing off and stuff is gonna go everywhere." about 10 minutes later - CRASH - yep, someone dropped their drink...nope, the same lady knocked the vase off the podium. nice. and then she left.

conspiracy theory

the past 10 or so times i've driven to work i've seen a plastic grocery sack upside down on one of those gas line marker stumps just as you enter the paces neighborhood on ridgewood road, just after the bridge. i didn't think anything of it at first, but was reminded of something i had heard on the radio about secret codes for illicit rendezvous and other sketchy stuff. for instance, it was said that if someone puts a pineapple on their front porch, it means there is a swingers party there. so then i started thinking that maybe the bag placement was deliberate, and the people in that neighborhood are involved in some crazy stuff. i see at least 5 people walking their dogs along that route on any given day, so perhaps the dogs are in on it too. that would be pretty clever, except for the fact that i'm onto them now.

i spent way too much time gathering photos for this post

i have this ability, or, "thing," where i can look at someone and almost instantly name the famous person who looks a lot like them. i'm not sure if you'd call that a talent, but a lot of people find it pretty remarkable. and pointless. alright, i guess it's not a talent. for me it's like a mission. i can't rest until i figure out where i've seen that face before. for instance, i'm watching the bachelor on tv these days and i have found some look-a-likes among the bunch:

1. kristine & leann rimes

2. ashlee & leelee sobieski

3. robin & tina majorino
4. kelly & beth broderick
5. carri & kelli pickler
6. michelle & lynsey bartilson


some of these are pretty obvious, so i don't really consider myself all that smart for being able to identify the celebrity look-alike. other girls only show resemblances through specific facial expressions or when their faces are shown at certain angles. the only photos of the bachelorettes i could get were from the official website since the show hasn't been on for very long. you should watch the tv show so that you can see the look-alikeness for yourself.

i'm not familiar with any scholarly research published on the subject of human facial structure and recognition, but i'm pretty sure i've come across something that offered the idea that there is (are?) a finite number of combinations of facial features among humans. which means that we've all got at least one "twin" out there somewhere. oooooo. there's probably a ton of people who look like me running around; one of them happens to go to my dentist. i've never seen her, but one of the receptionists told me about her. i wonder if i'd even recognize her as looking like me though...hm.

bullet points

• so a lot of you may be obsessed with your ncaa brackets. if you don't know shit about basketball (me) and like hot guys (again, me) then check this out: http://www.allthehitsq100.com/bertshow/menmadness/table.asp
• "get a clue" is this saturday. for those of you not familiar with this event, a history of the game can be found at http://143.215.198.100/index.php?title=Get_A_Clue&oldid=2170
• the shape of yoplait yogurt containters is a cause of great frustration for me.
• it snowed today. weird.
• our hockey team is in 2nd place in the league. there are 10 teams, i think. andy has gotten a hat trick in the past two games. he is awesome.
  
• i don't like to use the "shift" key, unless it's for punctuation. you may have noticed. ha. i don't really know when this started. my lack of using proper capitalization isn't so much a blatant disregard for the english language as it is a bad habit. i mean, as bad-ass as it is to say that i'm lazy, or that i just want to defy convention, i think it's more like muscle memory or something. my friend ryan horchasdlworatszcher or whatever his last name really wants me to capitalize his name but i think i gotta take it slow....R. ok i gotta stop, i'm uncomfortable already.
  

contents of this post brought to you by my drive home

there are a lot of pop songs on the radio that get on my nerves - sweet escape by gwen stefani, photograph by nickelback, and umbrella by rihanna are some that come to mind. i hear these frequently and i turn the station, and all is forgotten. BUT there are two songs out there in radioland that truly infuriate me. and they get an insane amount of airplay.

the first is "teardrops" or whatever by taylor swift. what, never heard of her? exactly. she's an 18-yr-old country singer. kinda looks like carrie underwood but not really. ok so the lyrics of this song go "he's the reason for the tear drops on my guitar, the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star." did ya get that? wishing on a wishing star. i think someone sucks at songwriting. how about a falling star, or perhaps a shooting star? this crap-tastic lyric isn't my only qualm with this song though- the story is that she's totally in love with some guy friend, who she labels "perfect" and "flawless." i bet he's probably a huge jerkoff.

and number two (heh) is "no one" by alicia keys. i feel kinda bad dissing on her because she is quite talented, and way hotter than me. but this song is poop. sounds very amateurish. oh and the vocals sound so far below pitch that it's offensive. i'm still holding out hope that this song and the rest of the album was a joke between alicia and whoever produced the record.

and now some good, clean jokes from laffy taffy:

Q: why was the broom late?
A: it overswept.

Q: how do you make an orange laugh?
A: tickle its navel.

update

here is what's been going on:

1. recently moved. my room is a mess. stuff everywhere. it's killing me.
2. went to snowshoe, wv march 5-9. photos are here.
3. signed up for an ultimate frisbee league through atlanta flying disc club. did this mainly so i don't have to drive 35 miles to get my ultimate fix. plus, any form of exercise i can get is a good thing, because i hate going to the gym. blah.
4. still on a quest to save the planet. my new room mate does not recycle. his kitchen trash is always full of recyclable things. he has agreed to purchase some bins so i can collect the millions of bottles and cans he & he friends go through. seriously, you should see the 'fridge. i'll photograph it soon and post it here.
5. accused of stealing swag at work. wtf. just because stuff is on my desk doesn't mean i'm taking it home. and even if i was to take it home, i don't think you could call it "stealing."
6. craving willy's. haven't been there in like, two weeks. unbelievable! i will not allow myself to go tonite, only because i had chinese buffet for lunch and i don't think i can justify two indulgences in one day.
7. reality tv is consuming my life. i am watching: american idol, girlicious, america's next top model, the celebrity apprentice, beauty & the geek, and the bachelor. thank goodness both andy and chris (the new roomie) have dvr things.