some stuff

over the past few days i've seen and experienced some interesting/noteworthy things. some made me laugh, some made me angry, some greatly frustrated me. regardless, i feel like i must share:

• leg warmers
  i was cruising through the mall in the accessories section and i saw a display of leg warmers. omg no way. big slouchy sock minus the footie. ridiculous. it was like i was in a time warp. if your legs are cold just wear tall socks. or warmer pants. oh...wait, i do get it. they're for fashion, not function.
  
  
  
• holidays are almost here!
  wha? i can't remember what is being advertised, but project 9-6-1 is playing this spot that says "the holidays are coming and you should come buy stuff" or something like that. well. of course the holidays are approaching. i think it's it's called THE PASSAGE OF TIME.
  
  
  
• dental hygeine
  here is a random and little-known fact about me: i floss my teeth every day. even when i come home drunk on friday night. i haven't missed a day in over 3 years. my dentist does not believe me.
  
  
  
• i have big clown feet
  someone in my office asked what size shoe i wore. i told her most of my shoes are size 8 (totally not boats). i was wondering what point she was trying to make, if any, and then she says "well, your feet look really long in those sandals." still wondering what she was getting at - i mean, that wasn't meant as a compliment, right? and funny, because those shoes were a smaller size. so i'm thinking this is the most pointless conversation i've ever had with anyone, ever. then she comes over to check my feet out, comments on the optical illusion of my shoes (something about the long piece down the center yada yada) and then says "oh, it might be because your pants are short" and i'm like bitch, they're called cropped pants, and are you trying to say i look ridiculous? the sad thing is that i thought i looked really good for once.
  
  
  
• uga flags on ambulance
  yep, that's right. if i needed to get to the hospital and that ambulance came to take me away i might just refuse the ride.
  
  
  
• my t-shirt twin
  i have this awesome t-shirt that says "aspen base operations" on the front. on the back is a nice graphic of the rocky mountains with some airplanes at the base and beneath it reads "park it in aspen." i bought it in the thrift shop in downtown aspen colorado. i saw this dude in costco wearing the exact same shirt. i went up to him and told him that i had the same shirt, only because i knew it was a rare find and because i was just curious about the shirt. he said he used to fly commuter jets into aspen and apparently that was the team shirt. so, that's kinda neat.
  
  
  
• old lady can't park car
  no surprise there. you know how some of the handicap spaces at cumberland costco are right at the front & totally separated from the other spaces by the curb? anyway, this old lady was trying to back into this handicap space and it was so pathetic. these spaces are huge and unless you're pulling in perpendicular to the space it's pretty much impossible to end up with your car outside the lines. she must have pulled up/backed in/pulled up/backed in like 10 times, and i think she curbed her tire and hit the sign post. at first i was like, oh, how sad, this old lady is having trouble parking. then i was like whatever, you suck at driving, get off the road.
  

the only reason i have a vick jersey is because it was on clearance at tjmaxx 5 years ago

when all the michael vick stuff went down a while ago i packed my vick jersey into a box with other random crap and stuffed it in the attic. this past sunday i decided to resurrect the jersey and make a few alterations:


see that? i totally turned the "7" into a "2." pretty freakin' sweet if you ask me, but it wasn't very durable. figures. i mean, there's only so much that one can demand of tape and sticky paper. my hair kept getting stuck to the tape, and bits and pieces of paper were sticking to whatever i happened to have my back against, so after a few hours it was back to vick. woof woof.

it's like a really bad disney movie

since i know shit about politics i usually steer clear of such topics; however, today i offer the following video:



i have always been fond of matt damon. and i think that if palin ever becomes president, i'll move to canada. at least there i could play more hockey.

the lip balm is $7

um, please please please tell me that this jack black brand is purely a coincidence and that jack black does not have his own line of skin care products. i've totally never heard of this stuff. maybe it's for old people, kinda like mary kay. anyway, i came across this while browsing sephora.com and after some quick googling i still don't have an answer. i'm guessing this name has nothing to do with *the* jack black only because the label is plain and the product descriptions are lame and totally unfunny. i figure if j. b. had some skin products the descriptions would be pretty awesome, like - straight from jesus ranch - "smells of shit, *liga guing gligagiggagoogoogwayogo"

*ok, i had to look that one up. i had no idea how to spell that. i'm sure that's wrong anyway.

jealousy

andy got an iPhone on wednesday night and has been ignoring me for days. i'm dealing with it.

here's a cool grasshopper i spotted on the hood of my car as i was driving to costco. he hung on for a while and even let me take his picture.