another unbelievable story

i am house/dog-sitting for my boss (michael) this week while he and his family are on vacation. they live in a neighborhood along the chattahoochee river. andy came over after work on friday to ride his bike around the neighborhood while i ran with the doggies. i got back from running and headed straight for the fridge for some water. saw something moving in my upper periphereal vision:


let me just say that i am not afraid of snakes. but when i found myself face-to-face with this thing i totally freaked out. andy heard me screaming from the garage but thought it was coming from some kids up the street. i made myself calm down a bit before i yelled at him to come upstairs to the kitchen because i didn't want him to think i had accidentally cut my finger off or something. so we're just standing there in the kitchen watching this thing inch along the top of the fridge and of course i grab my camera rather than focus on how to get rid of the snake. the worst part is that about an hour later we found the perfect snake-wrangling tool in michael's workshop.
due to our lack of quick-thinking in an emergency situation the snake escaped behind the vent. we took the vent off and even took the panel off the bottom of the fridge but no snake. the good thing is that i haven't seen him again. the bad thing is that i haven't seen him again. and i'm sleeping in that house.

you know you're old when...

i know i'm not "old" by any stretch of the imagination but sometimes i swear i'm 80. case in point: it's saturday night and i'm in bed with a crossword, next to andy who is reading a book. he says to me, "i think i should eat more fiber."

lately i've been hooked on sugar-free wintOgreen lifesavers. they're pretty good. as in, i ate a whole bag of them yesterday. i have tried to quit eating candy, mainly for the sake of my teeth, but i couldn't do it cold turkey and i thought these would be a good stepping stone on the way to recovery. so like i said, i ate an entire bag ( probably over a 8-hour period) and woke up early in the morning with a stomache ache. today i noticed this on the back of the package, "contains phenylalanine. excess consumption may have a laxative effect." good one.

first post with my mac

yep, i'm a convert. bought a used iBook G4 from a dude on craigslist. i'll be selling my behemoth windows laptop as soon as i can wean myself off it. my "new" mac is so cute and portable and pretty. i like it.

i realized i never fully explained the poo incident from last week. maybe you don't want to know, but of course i'm gonna fill you in regardless. the whole incident was so outrageous. andy gave me permission to publish the email he sent me, so here it is:

"This is a shitty one, literally. (Caution: disgusting). I woke up this morning and found a bunch of shit on my patio. Yes, shit. It looks like someone had diarrhea last night, hung their ass off the balcony above me, probably on either 3, 4, or 5 and let loose. It is spattered everywhere and stinks like, well, shit. There were flies swarming around it. I've already sent an email to management and they better take care of it before I get home today. I'm so fucking pissed off. I'm glad my hockey stuff wasn't out there.

So, I'm pretty enraged right now."

you may be wondering if the mess was cleaned up, and if we figured out what (or who) did it. and sorry, i gotta leave you hanging until the next post because i gotsta go...

things that go splat in the night

i've got a story so unbelievable that i don't even know how to tell it properly. i could spend hours drafting a clever narrative, but i think all i really need to say is that someone, or possibly some thing, shit on andy's patio. i wish i was kidding. more details to follow, but for now, please listen to the audio provided in this youtube clip:




*please don't think less of me for posting a dane cook clip. it was just too relevant to ignore.

another costume

well, sorry no post yesterday - my coworker forgot to bring in the costume for "sandy." but she brought it today, and here he is. i present his majesty:


i know, i know, this really isn't that funny.

Y-M-C-A

if you talk to me regularly or read my blog, you probably know that my boss (michael) often requires props for use in the courtroom and other such legal meetings. i walked by his office the other day and saw what i thought was a dead tree but it turned out to be a life-size posable mannequin in all his anatomically correct glory. thankfully, michael put some shorts on the dude later that day. you should have seen michael trying to dress the mannequin - it was a bit obscene, really. anyway, everyone is quite amused at michael's new man-toy, dubbed Sandy, and now that michael is out of the office for a few days we figure we'd have a little bit of fun. i dressed him in this snazzy number on friday and emailed the pic to my boss.


be sure to check back tomorrow to see what sandy's wearing!

would you rather buy awesome fireworks or a car?

andy & i went to his parents lake house for the long weekend. the fireworks were kickass. like, i think these fireworks were better than centennial park's and stone mountain's (maybe even those two shows put together), which came as a surprise to me, because all the fireworks were privately funded. as in, there was no official lake firework show, just a bunch of crazy people with a truckload of fireworks (and a truckload of money). it was rumored that the dude across the cove spent like ten thousand dollars on his show. this guy was shooting those things off for at least an hour, solid, and each one was substantial, none of that fizz & pop crap. so here are some cool photos i took with my dinky little *point-n-shoot camera:



*by the way, my camera is awesome. it's a panasonic lumix FX-10. $150. highly recommended (by me) as a general use camera. takes decent photos in tricky lighting conditions, considering the price. doesn't feel cheap like kodak. mine is blue and is really pretty.