throwback website

the other day i was browsing the web for a vacation rental home and i found the worst website i've seen since 1995:

http://www.ski-utah-rentals.com/

the only thing missing is

<bgsound src="annoyingmusic.wav" loop="true">

or something similar.

i bet the camera guys were all peeing in their pants from laughter

here's the clip from biggest loser that i mentioned in my previous post. you know, the one with obese people jumping through hoops. sorry to keep you waiting. i've edited it a bit, ya know, cut out the dull parts. enjoy.




perhaps you think i'm a horrible, horrible person for posting this. but shame on you too, because i know you were laughing. to be fair, you should see me attempting to play with/care for a baby. it's almost as funny. but yeah, next time i suck really bad at something i'll try to remember to film it.

this stuff only happens on tv

andy & i went on a 7 day cruise from long beach, california to some places in mexico. the first afternoon out in the middle of the ocean there was an announcement that the captain was going to turn the boat around (head back toward san diego) and rendezvous with a coast guard helicopter because there has been an medical emergency. it was a 3-hour ordeal. those boats can't really turn on a dime, ya know. check out the action:

coast guard helicopter in sight. beer in hand. andy's thumb: way up.

of course the ship's staff chased everyone off the decks.
naturally, everyone went to hang out under this gigantic glass
roof for a good view. honestly, i was a little scared, but
no way was i going to miss this.

rescue at sea.

i have a much deeper respect for the coast guard, now that i've seen them in action. in all seriousness, it was an amazing rescue. both the helicopter pilot and the ship captain displayed some mad skillz. we never found out what the emergency was or what happened to the person who was air lifted.

note: i know it's been a while since i've blogged about the reality shows i'm watching. i'm not really watching that much good stuff lately- i've had to cut back for the sake of fitness. just the other day i saw an awesome moment on the biggest loser and must post it or link to it. involves obese people jumping through hoops. if you can't imagine how that is funny, then...i'm sorry, we can't be friends.

i love eBay [and young girls]

back from vacation. will post some stories later.

so i am browsing eBay for a cocktail dress. i know that sounds poor/stupid/risky, but you can get some insane deals on really nice clothes if you stick to brands/designers you're familiar with. the really cheap stuff comes from the dresses that were worn once and then cast aside. i'm looking for another dress by the same designer as my current favorite dress (BCBG max azria). i found a cute one for next-to-nothing, but had some concerns about the neckline & how it fit in the bust area since it's a different shape than the dress i own...don't wanna look like a complete ho at andy's office holiday party (just a partial ho). i emailed the seller a question, as any savvy eBayer would do, and figured since the seller was a lady she'd be willing to help a sister out. read and be amused:

Dear [username]

this looks like a great dress. i own another bcbg max azria dress, size 6 and it's my favorite dress, which is why i'm looking for another. the problem is that i'm afraid my top's gonna pop out, since this dress has a deep v. i wear bra size [TMI]. might i ask what size bra you wear and how the dress fits you, or if you have a photo of yourself in the dress that you can email me? i'd buy the dress right now, but am concerned about how the top fits....

[alright, i knew it was kinda personal to ask for a photo, but i've done this a few times and no one seems to have a problem with it, they just crop out their head or blur the face a little. and i only asked because it was apparent that the seller was female and was selling it as an individual, not a business.]

Dear skippy304,

Um, "Skippy", this was not my dress. I have 3 lovely, beautiful daughters between the ages of 19 and 23. None of them is going to model the dress for you. Sorry about that. I've given dimensions and other than that, frankly, I don't know what to tell you. If you do own BCBG, you're pretty familiar with how this line is cut. And I must say, in all honesty, that this is one of the creepiest requests I've ever had from anyone. I'm a 58 year old woman with my doctorate in educational administration, and frankly I hope I'm reading too much into your request.

- [username]


Dear [username],

Sorry if I offended you, I wasn't trying to be a creeper. Perhaps my user name threw you off. I am a 27 year old woman and was just hoping for a bit more insight since I can't try the dress on. For what it's worth, I've got a BS in computer science.


i was tempted to write "thanks for the info. in that case, i'm most interested in photos of your daughters when they were 8, 9 years old." (that line courtesy of my coworker, doug). anyway, seller responded that, yes, my user name did indeed throw her off. that was all she wrote. then i visited her "about me" page on eBay and here's the good stuff:

"Hello, friends and fellow Ebayers...I'm the mother of two wonderful daughters...

[wait, earlier she said she had 3...did one of them die?]

...both of whom are now in college. My youngest is a freshman at Virginia Tech, where she's majoring in Human Nutrition and planning to obtain her Master's degree in Public Health as well. She hopes to work with an international children's relief agency, providing nutritional information and assistance to those who need it the most. Our oldest daughter is studying to be a social worker at Temple University. One is tiny, blond and has green eyes; the other is 6' tall, with dark hair and blue eyes. They are such extraordinary children, both of whom I'm very proud....

[ok, maybe the 3rd daughter is a troll so she gets no mention]

I've found some wonderful, wonderful buys on Ebay. During a recession, there are so many opportunities to purchase truly unique, special items and give them a good new home - at great prices! I pride myself on superior customer service, with a personal touch."

did ya get that last part? nice. i still might buy the dress. it's $30 which is a fantastic deal. if it does end up looking really slutty, i'll be sure to take a photo of my ample bosom & post it here for all the creepers out there.

a few good things, for once

since my last post was just me bitching about stuff, let me counter with some positives:

1. free lunch today from panera bread. w00t.

2. scored a goal during last sunday's hockey game. a backhand goal, at that.

3. i have a job, a place to live, and food. and willy's is right up the street.

4. going on vacation for a week, leaving sunday

5. my boyfriend andy is the shit

and if you haven't seen the halloween costume, here it is:

just a few minor annoyances

a member of the parking committee at andy's condo complex thinks she made a move for justice the other night by having my car towed from the visitor lot at 2:30am. as the chron would say: unbelievable. i'm not exactly sure who the vigilante is, but apparently this person thinks that i should no longer qualify as a "visitor" and wants to teach me a lesson. i won't bore you with the technicalities, but i was parked in a legal space for less than 8 hours. i might add that andy is a member of the parking committee, has seen a few violators and issued warnings, but has never resorted to towing. we sent an email to the committee demanding a reimbursement and an apology. no luck so far, but it's only been one day. i'm plotting my revenge, and it's gonna be sweeeeeeet. i'll take your suggestions on how to get even.

tried to file a motion at fulton co. superior court today. left my office a little before 4:30 knowing that i probably wouldn't make it in the door by 5pm. miraculously i was able to get downtown, park, and walk over with a few minutes to spare. i dashed up the stairs (pryor st entrance) and saw a sign that read "this entrance is closed to the public. please use central ave entrance." whatever. i didn't have time for that. i pushed past the sign, the doors weren't locked, so i figured i was clear. threw my stuff on the security belt and the guard says "ma'am unless you work here you cannot come through" and i'm like "but the clerks office is RIGHT THERE!!" really, the clerk's office is 20 feet from the security point. of course there was no point arguing. and no point going around, because it's a long jog around to the back of the building. so i aborted the mission, motion unfiled.


some guy in line next to me at the store today heard me say to the cashier "i have my own bag," and replied "overachiever." i kept my mouth shut on that one.

flu shots are for the weak

i haven't gotten a flu shot, nor do i plan to get one. here's why: pride. plain and simple. i know it sounds ridiculous, but that's my deal. i take damned good care of myself. i usually get at least 7 hours of sleep each night, i exercise 3 times per week, i wash my hands very frequently, my job isn't extremely stressful, i don't spend much time around small children, and i eat healthy meals, most of which do not come from a fast food restaurant. some of these practices require more effort than i would like, but it's totally worth it, and a lot of them are actually enjoyable. try it sometime. if my immune system can't handle the flu assault, well, then i guess i deserve to get sick. i'll keep you posted.

and now i shall get off my high-horse. good night.

old man + snuggie = moderately amusing

i could have used one of these on saturday...although i would have had some problems running around throwing the football in it.

some old guy at the neighboring tailgate party

perhaps you are aware of georgia tech's big win over virginia tech. andy convinced me to go with him onto the field after the game ended. here's a shot a few minutes before the frat guys broke the goal post.

(it took a really long time for the goal post to come down...pathetic.)

yeah it was a good weekend.

flood damage

the weather on saturday was awesome so andy and i got our butts off the couch and went for a long walk/jog/adventure. we walked through some neighborhoods near historic downtown vinings since i live on the edge of all that. we saw some evidence from the recent flooding, mainly dirty trees and bushes and then yard sign ads for water damage companies. it's only been two weeks and we both have already forgotten how much destruction it caused since *fortunately* we weren't affected by it. we went down cochise drive and saw some pretty alarming signs from the flooding - i never realized how close these homes are to the chattahoochee.

photo courtesy of ajc.com 9/22 (shared by bleufalcon)

if we hadn't been roaming through such a wealthy neighborhood the aftermath would have been heart-breaking - construction debris everywhere, emergency trailers parked on the curb, toys & patio items scattered about from where they had once been afloat in the yard, etc - but since this is a notoriously rich part of town i hardly felt bad for the material damage we saw. don't think i'm a bad person, i mean, it sucks for the families, but at least they have the resources to rebuild their homes and buy new cars.

as we were walking we saw a lot of the homeowners outside in their yards. one guy was on his phone and kinda waved us down, so we thought he needed a hand with something or just wanted to ask us a question. you could see the water line on the house, it was probably at 6-8 feet. we paused in front of his driveway, then heard him say into the phone "hey man, i'll call ya back." so we thought it must be important if he hung up his phone to chat with us. i was like hey, this is horrible, what's goin' on? then it was clear to us that he didn't need help, because all he talked about was the monetary value of the assets his parents and neighbors lost. something about his mom and an upscale boutique, a neighbor with 4 million in damage to his car collection, etc. yeah man, you're impressing me now. oh, but we did learn something from him: almost everyone in that area had insurance.

this guy was ridiculous. probably 25 years old. not very physically attractive (but then again, most people look bad standing next to andy). socially awkward. textbook close-talker. there was an air of desperation about his friendliness and his obvious need to talk about his parents money. here's my story about him: he's an only child born to some rich people who, by giving him everything he ever wanted, denied him the opportunity to develop essential learning/coping/social skills. he went off to college, as all upper-class kids do, but probably dropped out to help a friend start a business, thinking "who needs a degree, we're gonna be rich!" well, that business tanked, and he can't make it in the real world. but no problem, because he's got mom & dad. the friends he had at one point have forgotten him because they're busy with their jobs and their girlfriends... makes sense, i guess.

so i made the mistake of telling him my name. he knows i went to tech, and knows i live in the area. i'm expecting a facebook request at any moment.

here's a photo my boss emailed to me of one of her neighbors.
she lives in sandy springs, just outside 285. fortunately her
house is on a hill away from the river. looks like the rich
folk had themselves a grand ol' time.

recycling excites me more than the twilight series

these are brand new recycling bins at andy's condo complex. pretty maids all in a row, all shiny and clean. i couldn't resist.

channeling oscar the grouch

the old recycling program only accepted plastics 1 & 2, aluminum, and newspaper. so we had to stash all our other plastics, glass, office paper, and soup cans for recycling elsewhere. the new program accepts most stuff, even plastics 3-7. although we're just waiting to see how many people dump their trash in the bins. i don't get it. every time i put something in the bin i see someone's bag of household trash. don't be that person.

note: this recycling bin is new. very clean. i would never get in a normal used bin. just so you know.

u-scan fail, take two

i will admit that this time the perpetrator doesn't have as many groceries as the lady from yesterday, but she still has too many for the u-scan to be practical. i guess it's hard to tell just how packed this *bas-cart is from this angle. my bad. and by the time i took these pics she had already scanned two huge bags worth of goods.

sorry these pictures suck, it was hard for me to take a steady photo whilst giggling.

*bas-cart: basket/cart hybrid. you only wish your grocery store had these. the handling is amazing.

um, for realz?

another "wtf" moment caught on camera:

after i got this great shot, i proceeded to the nearest manned checkout lane with my 4 items - no line. i'm about to go back to the store to see if this lady is still scanning.

southern accents

posting this video clip is probably violating some kind of copyright, but i found it to be pretty awesome and decided you must see it immediately. i know it's totally lame that i recorded this clip on my digital camera but that was the quickest method for delivering the comedy.



lady, you're sick. and yes, i watch this show, but it's low on my priority list.

beer can technology

as andy & i were tapping the rockies aka drinking coors light this past weekend we noticed how the cans are just riddled with ridiculous features: wide mouth, vent, and color-change can. i hope you like my graphic. yeah, these cans have been out for a few years. so all that time prior to 2007 i've been screwed out of complete beer consumption efficiency!!! i feel a bit...cheated. i mean, we sent a man to the freaking moon a long ass time ago, but this kind of technology doesn't surface until now? someone explain that to me.


if you haven't seen the color-changing can, here's the deal: the mountain graphic on the front turns blue when the beer is at optimal drinking temperature. this is neat, but totally useless - i think i know what "cold" feels like. so how about this: spare me the "technology" and just charge less for your beer. that'll do.

just something to think about

a lot of song lyrics/meanings can be interpreted in a variety of ways. you think you may know what a particular songwriter intended but then you hear him/her talking about what he/she meant, and you're like ooooh that makes way more sense now. the first one i thought of is "love song" by sara bareilles. it goes, "i'm not gonna write you a love song cause you asked for it cause you need one..." so at first i took that to mean she's dating this guy and he's totally into her but she's not that into him, as in, she's not gonna write a song about it. and then i heard this song was actually about her relationship with her record label, or something. i guess the company wanted her to put out some kind of love song ballad and she wasn't having it.

now, it's no secret that i like pop music. i sing aloud to kelly clarkson's "my life would suck without you." so yes, i am a fan, as i have purchased 2 of her albums. you also may know that recently she's been packing on the pounds. not that i care, but honestly she looks not so good anymore. andy likes to make fun of her and came up with another meaning to "my life would suck....": she's not singing about a guy, or even a person. she wrote it about a piece of chocolate cake. now that you've got that in your head, go listen to the song and it totally makes sense. pretty funny, andy.

kenton & chris got my back on this one :)

i was going to type out a hypothetical scenario to replace what actually happened to me a few days ago, but it got a little convoluted. this involves my job. i usually try to avoid work-related anecdotes for obvious reasons...but this one's good.

i was leaving the office a little after 5 on monday afternoon and i got a phone call. i don't get a lot of calls so i was already thinking it was a wrong number or something. so the guy, harvey, on the other end of the phone starts telling me he's calling in regard to an ad on craigslist, and immediately i assumed he was talking about the printer or the computer i had just listed. he went on about an install disc for an ibook and i'm like hold on a minute, is something wrong with the ibook (because i sold one to some guy like 6 months ago) and then it's obvious we are talking about two separate things. he explained that his wife posted an ad about needing an install disc and someone had replied saying to contact *me* because i could get him the discs.

apparently my boss is trolling craigslist trying to create work for me because he doesn't think i have enough to do. i mean, i know that's not it, but it's just another one of those things that makes me shake my head and say "oh, michael..." you know the worst part of the whole thing is that i could have / should have just told the dude "no" and that'd be the end of it. two days later i'm still waiting on him to figure out his paypal account so he can send me money to cover postage.

smuggling alcohol on a cruise ship

andy & i are going on a cruise w/ naomi & brandon and some others in november. we'll be cruising aboard the carnival splendor which sails from los angeles and down to puerto vallarta and cabo san lucas. this will be our first cruise. i've heard a few things about carnival's on-board alcohol policy but want to hear from some experienced cruisers. carnival's official policy is that each person over 21 can have one bottle of wine/champagne. hooray. but what about the hard stuff? our cruise planner dude says you can smuggle clear alcohol inside a plastic water bottle and stash it in your big luggage. he said they don't really search your bags. but recently i talked to someone who recently got back from a carnival cruise who saw people having to dump our their water bottles that were filled with vodka. when i google the topic ("carnival cruise smuggling") i get a lot of message boards filled with all sorts of advice but none of it is conclusive. i'm not looking to smuggle an entire suitcase full of booze, but it would be nice to have a small stash of my favorite beverage. anyone have advice on the subject?

if you don't already think that i'm weird...here you go.

as my mother, grandmother, and boyfriend will tell you, i tend to get creative with my insults and terms of endearment (which, funny enough, are sometimes one in the same...maybe i should stop doing that). sometimes i use words that sound completely made-up, but to my surprise are actual words. a lot of the times i never know what these words mean (i should probably stop doing that, too). here are some examples:

cheecharone: noun, sounds like cheech-ər-own, not cheech-ər-won. do you like my schwa? boo-yah! the real word is spelled chiccharón, and means "fried pork rind." i use this word to mean a variety of things including but not limited to goofball, loser, fatso, meanie, hoodlum, and r-rated versions of everything i just mentioned. basically, it's a good, clean (?) substitute for various curse words & racial slurs. i'd like to give a shout-out to my pal daniel head for introducing me to this word, like, in 10th grade. yeah. i've been saying this word for over 10 years. is that pathetic? i don't think i say it that often: it's popularity comes & goes at random. the funniest thing is that my grandma picked it up from me during a week-long trip to europe ten years ago and still says it, primarily as a phone greeting, knowing that it's me on the line. awwww.


fluffernutter: i have no idea when i started saying this word or what prompted me to use it. it's a decent substitute for the f-word, or any other expletive. if i spilled my drink i might say "oh fluffernutter!" but on the other hand i think the connotation is nice enough so i use it as a pet name too. just this last weekend i called andy a fluffernutter and he insisted that it wasn't a word. i made him look it up, and honestly, i didn't know what it meant but i was pretty sure it was a word. educate yourself here.


well...damn. i can't think of any other examples right now. i know there are more. so take note.

p.s. - i totally just realized both of these words are food items. weird.

b-holes are tasty & flavorful

i heard this hardee's ad mentioned on the bert show this morning:



genius! i imagine they're in a bit of trouble with the fcc, but i suppose controversy could be good for business. according to a news source, "Hardees says it has no plans to pull the ads which is says run after 9 p.m., but it says franchisees are free to run them or not run them at their discretion."

the coolometer

my friend matt made this for me in calculus class in high school.


i was inspired to post this because he recently made the indie-o-meter. gotta love that metric system, still makin' the list 10 years later.