Quality iPad app Ads

I play a lot of Zynga games on my iPad - you know, Words/Hanging/Scramble with Friends. I don't pay for these games, so I get the ads in between plays. It's only a mild annoyance. Most of the ads look something like the one below:

This one, however, got my attention. Perhaps you've seen it too:

Quality free-hand Paint skills

You betcha I tapped the ad to get more info. The App Store brought up a game called Tap Paradise Cove by Pocket Gems. It didn't have a terrible landing page and looked, well, not as bad as the advertisement. I sent the good folks at Pocket Gems an email with the screen shot asking "what's the deal with this ad?" and received the following response: 

Thank you for the information, I am not certain as to that being one of our ads. Although, if you are playing Tap Paradise Cove I do hope you have fun!

Meh. I was really hoping to get a quippy reply. But wait, there's more! Just the other day this ad came into rotation:

I swear I made something like this in 1992. Totally retro!

I don't want to get too serious or political but since we're currently in the midst of a chickfila media circus....

My friend (gay man) posted something to facebook which included Dan Cathy's quote "We don't claim to be a Christian business, but as an organization we operate on Biblical principals."

There was another component to his post, but I won't get into that. It incited a lengthy debate as you can imagine. Serious opinions all around, thankfully most of them respectful. Bible scripture was hurled this way and that (I'm a Christian and am annoyed when people do that, regardless of the topic being discussed). I was exhausted after reading all 77 comments.

 I do want to point out a particularly amusing comment:

• Um, I don't claim to be gay, but as a person, I operate on homosexual principles. Utter nonsense. Dear Chick-Fil-A: You are a chicken joint, not a church. Put your bible down and get back to the fryer. 

And after much scripture-tossing, this was said:

• ...we can all quote Scripture to our advantage, to bolster our own interpretation. Scripture is to guide us, not to provide us with ammunition with which to wound others. The only weapon we have is love, not judgment. So it would be better to throw love at one another than condemning Scripture passages. Plus it's a lot of fun.

Now I must post this video because it's freaking hilarious...

oh and then this, because I love Jon Stewart:

Happy Denver-versary to Me (oh, and I updated the look of this blog)

Duuuuuuude!  I can't believe it's been a year since I moved from Atlanta to Denver. That is kind of a big deal for me, as most of my family members & close friends live in Georgia. It's been good times, but I still find random things to bitch about. Below are some awesome/not awesome things about my new locale:

Awesome 2 ice rinks within 7 miles of my apt. Blue state My hair dries really fast I can ride my bike to work People are fit View of the mountains Beer I don't get dirty looks when I provide my own bags at the store. You can watch Sun/Mon night football and be in bed by 10pm. Peyton Manning (+ Bebe Thomas)

Not Awesome I don't know anyone with a boat I can't find a good cheap Mexican restaurant near my apartment I live in an apartment People are *really* fit Reality tv shows are frequently spoiled by east-coasters who feel like they must comment on the outcomes/results on facebook (and no, it is *not* my fault for checking facebook). Shane Company radio ads. Yep, they're out here too.

I'd like to touch on the "I live in an apartment" point:

I actually don't mind apartment-living. I enjoy the amenities and appreciate the conveniences, and I'm not generally bothered by other people living near me; I mean, it's all I've known for the past 13 years. I'm also accustomed to the annoyances that go with multi-family housing: the occasional rowdy party, stray dog poop in the grass, other residents disregarding the pool rules, people tailing me in the security gate, etc. But I draw the line at feces in the hallway:
I bet you're wondering if I wrote those notes. Of course I did! (And feel free to submit this to passiveaggressivenotes.com)

And let me tell you about the time the people in the apartment two floors below almost burned the place down: We had our balcony door open one evening and noticed a faint beeping noise and the slight but unmistakable odor of burning plastic. There was a guy in the courtyard looking up our way and he shouted to us that he thought there was a fire on the 3rd floor, and sure enough, we could see flickering shadows on the brick wall outside the window. We ran down to 3, knocked on the door just to make sure no one was home, then joined the guy in the courtyard, who by that time had already called the fire department. I noticed that the balcony door was barely open - smoke not yet visible - so this other guy climbed up the railings and pushed his way inside (not the best idea, but I assume he could see that the fire wasn't out of control). He unlocked the door from the inside and let Andy in with the fire extinguisher and they put it out. Crisis averted. About a minute later two fire trucks arrived.

Oh, and perhaps you heard about the loser that backed into my car last month (while it was parked overnight) and busted my tail light and then fled the scene? Thanks, asshole. Fortunately the damage to my car is minimal, but I'm still furious that somebody is guilty of a crime and got away with it.  Anyway, I had the police come out and write a report.

Notice the parking space number. No, I didn't park like that. No, that is not my real tag number.

Most of the tail light fragments I found scattered about didn't belong to my vehicle, so I pieced them all back together and can say with a very high degree of certainty that the perp drives a newer model Toyota Corolla (unless the person hit more than one car, but that's highly improbable given the scene I encountered at 7:45am). That evening I walked through the parking deck three times: 6:30pm, 10pm, and 3am. Yep, 3 in the morning. I am that crazy. I walked around for half an hour looking totally suspicious with my clipboard and pen and made a note of every Corolla in the deck. I patrolled the place on my bike twice a day for a solid week but never saw any cars with a busted tail light. I was so obsessed that I even cruised the parking lots of the neighboring apartment complexes and office buildings. I sent my list of tag numbers to the property manager so he could cross-reference the master list and he replied that my list covered every Corolla registered (oh hell yes it did, you know I didn't get up at 3am for nothing). So that pretty much confirmed that the guilty party is not a resident. But I still ride up and down the parking deck on my bike, you know, just to be thorough.

And then last week there was a fire in a service van inside the parking garage which set off the sprinkler system and damaged part of the building. My bike was standing in about an inch of water in the stairwell.

And speaking of bikes - someone's been trying to steal Andy's Cannondale. He just purchased it from his boss. We parked it next to his old mountain bike (near mine, also old, in one of the stairwells) and we noticed that the plastic sheath part of the cable lock had been cut, like someone had taken a hack saw to it. Curious. We went for a short ride then locked both bikes to the rack using both locks. The next day the other lock had been cut down to the metal cable as well. So we moved the bikes and although I haven't checked on them today, they were still there yesterday.

Last but not least, a few weeks ago, some idiots took glass bottles into the pool area and *shocker,* the bottles broke, and the pool had to be drained and cleaned. It was closed for a week during a ridiculous heat-wave right before the 4th of July. I'm pretty sure these people know that glass is prohibited and they just don't give a shit. Seriously, have you never lived in an apartment before? On a similar note, some woman actually put her dog in the pool. Not next to the pool, but in the frickin' water. Hey lady, wanna know why there aren't any other dogs around? Because it's against the law to have pets in the pool area. Management is actually issuing fines now, and the best part is that they encourage other residents to take photos of people breaking the rules. Guess who has a new hobby?

Last post I told you about my new venture - biking. I've been biking to work almost every day for two weeks. It's going great. Here I am in all my eco-friendly, sweaty, reflective glory:

It's an easy 3.5 mile ride to my office. On average it usually takes me 16 minutes in the morning...and about 25 to ride home since it's a very gradual uphill ride. I shall have massive quads in no time. 

Now, check out the randomness that I experienced yesterday at work. I bet you've never had a giant salt shaker dance a jig in your office!

Yet another reason why I love my job. 

A few more things:

• A new season of the Bachelorette is back, featuring Emily Maynard. I don't like her very much, but must...watch...anyway. If you want to know what Emily's like, think about me, and then imagine the opposite. I'm only an hour into the first episode and *surpriiiiize* it's another snooze-fest. Can't wait to read Lincee's recap blog at http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/category/recaps/

• Did I mention cake vodka yet? I feel like I have talked about this before. No? Anyway, if you mix cake flavored vodka with limeade, the result tastes like key lime pie. The only "cake" flavor I can find is made by Three Olives and it's pretty freakin' delicious. I prefer the frozen Minute Maid limeade over Simply Limeade, and I cut it with water because it's really sweet. I've tried using vanilla flavored vodka and whipped cream flavored vodka instead of cake flavor, but both were terrible substitutes. Smirnoff makes a marshmallow flavor that might work with the limeade, but I haven't tried it yet. Honestly, I'm about to wear this drink out so I'll just stick with the cake.

• Visiting family in Georgia next week. Unfortunately most of my friends that live in Atlanta will be away on vacation. I'm glad I'll get to spend some time with my mom, but I'm definitely most excited about eating at Fellini's in Atlanta. Ahhhh, that pizza is the stuff of my dreams. I may also have to go to Bojangles while in Dalton. Mmm. I can already feel my arteries hardening.

This post might make you feel lazy (by comparison)

Ice Holes, south suburban D3 south champs: best of the worst. 

Can you spot me in this photo? I'll give you a hint: I'm not the goalie. 

Since ski & snowboard season is officially over (for me, at least) I shall share some info with you, courtesy of epicmix.com.

• Days on mountain: 14 (fyi, that brings my price to $35.70 per day)
• Vertical feet: 195,562
• total lift rides: 130
• photos taken: 88
• pins: 63
• points: 8,136

For the first half of the season I wasn't too concerned with collecting digital achievement pins or points, but sometime in February we discovered that we could make a game of it, almost like a scavenger hunt. Each night before skiing we'd cruise the epic mix website and plan our runs/route for the next day in order to rack up the maximum number of pins. I was totally consumed with it to the point of being ridiculous. I kept telling myself I would go for the "day tripper" pin, which you get for visiting all 4 Colorado Vail resorts in one day. So that's what I did on one of my days off back in March (Andy had to work). Here's the proof:

9:10am - First ever trip to the Beav.

11:40am - 2 lifts to the top of Vail, photo, then down one looong run.

1:35pm - 2 laps on Peak 7 at Breck. Excellent spring conditions. I arrived there later than intended due to a snafu with parking. 

3:20pm - The epic mix photographers had already packed up by the time I got to the top, so I had to get some random dude to take this. Disappointing.

Anyway, I got the stupid achievement pin and it was totally worth it. I was afraid that riding solo was going to be boring (been there & done that, back in '06/'07 while working in aspen), but I rather enjoyed myself.

On a completely different note, I just took drastic measures in my attempt to assimilate to colorado culture. No, I didn't get my medical marijuana license. Yes, I am still shaving my legs. I bought... a bike. The scary part? It's for commuting to and from work and the gym. This might sound extreme to those of you who know that I haven't been on a bike in 15 years, but it's less than 4 miles to my office and most of the route has a designated bike lane. The weather has been just splendid in the morning, and it just seems stupid NOT to be biking. Changing clothes will be annoying, but I think that the benefits will outweigh the inconveniences. Once my helmet arrives I will be ready to ride. I'll let you all know how it goes.

say what?

I still listen to Atlanta's radio show "The Bert Show" every morning on my iPad. Here's a spot for Moe's Southwest Grill that's currently in rotation. Listen closely to the end of the ad.

Fresh hit, eh? Say that one a few times fast. 

Ok, now moving on to the awesomeness. One of my favorite songs is Chris Brown's "Look at Me Now." My friend Thom shared this youTube video with me the other day:

Mary Ellen, I expect you to be amused by this. I bet you're disappointed that I didn't come up with it first. 

Before I get to the good stuff, I would just like to point out that Andy & I have been living in Denver now for 8 months exactly. It feels like home, I suppose, although I'm desperately trying to form friendships with other young couples and it's slow going. We keep trying to get together with our neighbors since they seem normal (obviously they aren't the ones responsible for this or this), but I get the sneaking suspicion they aren't too motivated to hang out with us. Thank goodness I like Andy so much.

And although it's not technically spring yet, I think I can say that we have survived our first Colorado winter. I'm still hoping for another big snowstorm. It was about 70 degrees here last week, which was a nice spring teaser...and then the following day it snowed. Wild.

Ok, so Andy works as a technology/security consultant and does a lot of work with hospitals. He asked his coworker to draw up a barcode scanner for one of the labs. Here's what was sent:

Just a standard hand scanner. Or is it...?

I can't take credit for this - Andy's the one who flipped the image, added the question marks, and sent it back to the guy who drew it up. Looks a lot like the chair we saw at costco several years ago. Forget William Tapley, I think I know who the real third eagle of the apocalypse is.

Progressive's "Flo" sucks, but Snapshot is cool

I just signed up for Progressive's "snapshot" program in hopes that I will get a discount on my car insurance. They mail you a little device and you plug it into the port in your car. It monitors speed, distance, time, & breaking. You can qualify for discounts if you drive during non-peak hours, limit "hard" braking, and drive less than the average for people in your area. I'm a good candidate for this program because some days I drive less than 10 miles - that's to work and then back home. I've also been told that I drive like a 70-year-old woman (or, at least that's what I gather from the number of people who ride my ass in the 20 mph school zone). Since the device doesn't have GPS they can't compare speed data to the speed limits. In my case that kinda sucks, since I usually drive within the limit and would *love* Progressive to know that and give me a discount.

You can log into your account and check your driving stats, which is super cool. Here's some data from my ride to work:

A visual of my morning commute to work. Yes, I drive a Subaru like everyone else in Colorado. 

See those tiny bumps at the beginning where my speed fluctuates between 3 and 10 mph in a very short span? That's me driving over about 18 speed bumps in the parking deck at my apartment. It takes me three and a half minutes to get from the fifth level to the exit gate. This is especially trying if i am running late, because there's really nothing you can do about it. 

Now let's look at the graph of the trip Andy & I made last weekend to Keystone ski resort:

Took us 2.5 hours to travel what usually only takes 1:15 (80 miles).  As you can see we spent a lot of time in bumper-to-bumper traffic. We forgot it was X Games weekend. Oops. Thank you, I-70, for the proper initiation. 

And if you're wondering what a "hard brake" is, here's how Progressive presents the data - Andy was driving during this period and he's in big trouble with me:

 Bastard. But at least the hard braking was during the low-risk time.

Ok, I'm done plugging my auto insurance company. Now on to a few other random things:

• "Paper Planes" by M.I.A - worst and most annoying song ever. You've heard it, you just didn't know what it was called.

• I finally dropped AT&T as my cell carrier. Since I don't have a smartphone and don't talk much, it really didn't make sense for me to have a plan with them. Now I'm with Virgin Mobile on a pay-as-you-go plan. Seriously, I feel like an idiot for not switching to them like, 2 years ago. The phone cost me $50 and it's kinda crappy, but it does the same stuff my last phone did and I actually get a stronger signal inside my apartment than I did using AT&T. 

• WTF is the appeal with Pinterest? That's all I heard about these days. I've never looked at it. I guess I know what it is on a basic level, but apparently women are obsessed with it and it sounds pretty dumb.  My understanding is that you can display and share craft ideas, recipes, and other bullshit that looks pretty around the house. This sounds lame to me. I feel that crafting is pointless (unless it's for halloween), nor do I care what other women are cooking for their perfect families or making or using to organize their homes. When I get home from work, I plant my ass in front of the tv with a bag of wheat thins. When I'm done doing that, I bitch about having to cook something for dinner, but also bitch about getting takeout because I don't want to leave the apartment again (well, mainly b/c I don't want to put a blemish on my Snapshot record, see above). I'm lazy at times, and it's great. If I'm having a get-together, my guests are eating veggies & hummus, followed by an inexpensive meat that Andy's in charge of grilling. They're drinking whatever beer is in the fridge. Some people (women) go to a lot of trouble and spend money on stupid stuff that doesn't matter, and it seems like Pinterest is playing into this. Damn, why couldn't I have thought of that?

Now that it's the middle of January, I'll tell you about my Christmas holiday.

Yikes, it's been a while since I posted. Most of what I'm posting below will not be interesting to most of you. Just putting it out there.

My mom & brother flew out here for Christmas and we spent a few days in the mountains. The day they arrived Denver got about 10 inches of snow. The ski resorts, however, got zero snow. We had fun, but I was really disappointed in the snow conditions and it really put me in a funk. Lift ticket prices also put me in a funk. It is NOT ok to charge full price when only 40% of the terrain is open. I got a small discount for my family since I'm a local pass holder, but still, it's the principle of it you know.

Breckenridge 12/25/2011 and Keystone 12/26

I've always felt that novelty hats were kinda stupid, you know, unless you're 8 years old. However, I need you to see how cute my mom looks in this hat:

Cougar hat: Mary's on the prowl...Rawr!

Speaking of stupid unless you're 8 years old, look at my beloved stuffed animal (and ignore the ridiculous expression on my face):

I don't claim to be normal.

I had nothing to do with this, I swear. Mary Ellen wanted to put Gobbles in the hot tub, and fortunately she found the perfect apparatus. Many thanks to condo owners Bill & Claudia Schmid of Banner, Wyoming for 1) having a metal bowl and 2) for having the hot tub serviced on short notice. 

So not only did a have an extended holiday break from work, but I took off a few days off earlier this month to visit my family in GA. I got lots of free meals and my mom's friend even hooked me up with two half-gallons of boiled custard.

8 grams of fat per serving, wooo-wheee!

So now I'm back in normal mode, which means working 30 hours per week, playing hockey on the weekend, continually schooling everyone in words with friends, hitting the gym to negate all the delicious local microwbrews i consume (primarily Long's Peak Rasperry Wheat from the Estes Park brewery), and watching lots of really bad reality tv. Tough life, I know. Andy & I are kinda holding off on the snowboarding thing until we know there's some good snow or until we have some friends going and we can all carpool or split the cost of a condo. We've got plans to join some friends at Vail early in February and then we're meeting up with some other friends at Steamboat Springs, but other than that we're doing a pretty crappy job of maximizing the value of our ski passes.

That's it for now. I just acquired some good material for my next post, so instead of posting it tonight I'll wait until next week.