i have the best grandma ever

so what did your grandmother get you for Christmas this year?  a sweater? a coffee maker?  some other random junk you don't need?  now's my turn to brag: my grandma got me & my brother falcons playoff tickets.  it was a complete surprise!

here we are looking stoked with falcons fanatic lee sims (mom's brother)

and another falcons-related gift i received, courtesy of my dad:

all i wanted for Christmas was matt ryan, but i 

just got this poster.  oh well, it'll have to do.  

i got loads of other thoughtful gifts and things that were on my list.  the thing i have used the most is the shower radio from andy's parents.  man, i love that thing.  my brother got me some new converse all-star shoes that i desperately needed. there's a hole in the bottom of one of the green shoes but i just can't find it in myself to throw them out.   check it out, i wrote "BEAST" on the sole.  i recall doing that in mrs. andersen's 9th grade english class, which would have been... 1996 or 97.  wowzers.

i don't see myself letting go of these easily. 

someone may have to take these from me by force.

oh and i know i mentioned in the previous post that i'd blog about the awesome snow, but i don't really feel like typing anymore, so i'll just leave you with this photo of andy pulling me in the sled.  there really weren't any good hills within walking distance so i just sat down and ordered him to pull me around.  it wasn't really that much fun.

Christmas Day snow...and ice!

great snow day on Christmas.  around 5pm andy & i were packing up to head back to atlanta. i was scrambling around for all my bags and realized my cooler was out on the porch.  and guess what was right next to it? guilty parties include mary ellen gurley, john gurley, and matt hughes.

iced on Christmas Day.  is this even legal? 

check back again soon - the snow day deserves its own post.

bad advertisement

here's an ad i found in an east cobb coupon/ad booklet.  it totally sucks.  i bet you a lot of money that the chick who created it thinks it's pretty fly.  and while it's true that i have little appreciation for photos of random people's kids, the main problem i have with this ad is that nowhere does it explicitly state what goods or services the company provides.

this is all well & good...but what do they sell?

after a few seconds of glancing at the ad i came to the conclusion that this store sells toys and possibly other items for children. but that's only an educated guess. since they don't tell me what their products or services are, here are other viable possibilities:

1. talent agency for kids
2. daycare/babysitting service
3. pest control
4. construction and heavy equipment rental (maybe)
5. coffee shop

maybe you are thinking, "who gives a rats ass, it's a stupid boutique store that you'll never visit," but let me tell you: this blog exists so that i have a public forum to make fun of dumb people and stupid stuff.

i like food, but i hate stuff like this:

product: green beans with almonds. on the pack of almonds: contains almonds.

product: cocoa roast almonds. note that the first ingredient is almonds, and it still says contains almonds. by the way, you should try these.  almonds are a tasty and nutritious snack. sometimes they are buy one get one free at publix.

and this one, a little different:

i wanted ice cream. badly.  in my haste, i grabbed a frozen dairy dessert rather than the real deal.  

i was looking forward to eating peppermint ice cream.  i got this kind because mayfield was too expensive...ah, champagne taste on a beer budget, story of my life.  anyway, this stuff had good peppermint flavor but the texture was weird. then i noticed that nowhere on the carton does it say ice cream, it just says frozen dairy dessert.  did a bit of research and found this: http://www.dairygoodness.ca/ice-cream/ice-cream-facts-fallacies. i didn't look at the nutrition label last night, mainly b/c i don't like to see that i'm consuming an extra 500 calories at 9pm, but i'll check out the ingredients when i get home today.  after going to the gym.

3rd annual gurley trot - recap

gurley trot 2010 went down on the morning of thanksgiving.  it was action-packed!

pre-race photo

brand new banner!!

we kicked off the event with group stretching, followed by some gurley trot trivia. correct answers earned one scratch off ticket from the georgia lottery.  questions included:

Q: how did the gurlely trot come to be?
A: anne & john intended to run the turkey trot in chattanooga, but anne's registration was never  processed and john didn't send his in. they decided to abandon the plan and just run around the neighborhood. (winner - joel hughes)

Q: who were the participants of the first gurley trot?
A: anne & john gurley (winner - hilliard jolly)

Q: who won last year's race?
A: nobody!  john gurley and the fast runners waited for a few stragglers (like myself) and we all went     through together. (winner - sam rauschenberg)


in addition to the vinyl banner and gurley trot trivia, there was another new event:

don't worry, this happened post-race, after the guests went home.  orchestrated by yours truly. actual icing performed by robin hasselberg. t-chron chugged like a pro.

so if you're wondering who won the race, that would be john gurley.  mary kathryn dykes finished second.  eli hasselberg brought his a-game, and if he wasn't seven years old and had longer legs he would have taken me to school.  anyway, i've come to the conclusion that i just don't like running.  i used to be ok with it, because it was free fitness, and free is awesome, but i just can't motivate myself to do it.  plus, my joints yell at me after a while.  i enjoy the occasional jog when the weather is mild, but i'm a hockey player, dammit.  this "race" wasn't so fun when i got to mile 2.  i'd like to thank marissa pizzini for coaching me through the end of the race.

just a general update

i hate facebook ads.  they're stupid, un-funny, and probably ineffective.  here's the ad that keeps showing up in my facebook sidebar:

yikes.  i bet a ton of girls click on this.  but i already know what andy's dna + my dna would look like: a baby. probably pink and wrinkly. i mean, they all look the same.  

here is what's up with me these days:

• went to the dentist this afternoon and had three cavities filled.  4 hours later i am no longer drooling out of the side of my mouth.

• andy's condo has been on the market for almost 8 months and today he had his first showing.  i realize there is not a lot of interest in 1-bedroom condos but still, we're a little disappointed more people haven't come by to see it.  yes, he has a realtor and it's listed in the MLS.  and no, we don't need to paint or redecorate or hire "stagers."  see, the problem is getting people interested in the condo - not what it looks like on the inside.  perhaps if we had ten people look with no offers we would make some changes.

• gearing up for the 3rd annual gurley trot - 5k race/walk/fun-run on thanksgiving morning at my mom's house in dalton.  if you wanna know the story click here.

• i lost the race for boiled custard.  john beat me to it. i received photo via text message for proof. so far i've consumed less than a gallon of boiled custard.  i anticipate reaching the gallon mark by the week's end.

• my team "nasty nest" is in first place in our hockey league.  i'm about to throw down here in a bit, our game is at 9:10.  so i best be headin' out...

on an unrelated note: remember the cruise ship disaster from last week?  passengers aboard the carnival splendor were without power/working toilets/etc.  i was on that ship exactly one year ago, and we too had an interesting event, although it was unrelated to the workings of the ship. i bet some people were freaking out hard core.  apparently they gave everyone a full refund and a huge discount on a future cruise.  although something tells me these people won't be cruising on carnival, like, ever again.

the big reveal - but first...

sorry that i failed to provide updates while making the costume.  i got really busy a few days before halloween and production basically came to a halt.  i made the majority of it on saturday afternoon and it was *not* fun.  here is my costume taking shape:

a misshapen heart?

 a giant mouth?

 an ice cream sandwich?

 what the...

 the sandwich so meaty, there's no room for a bun!!!

totally ridiculous.  again, i think i spent too much time and money on this, but i'm willing to bet no one else has ever made their own double down costume.  we went through the kfc drive through in costume (well, mine was in the back seat) and the guy at the window got a kick out of it.  naturally we ordered one double down for each party we attended.  thank goodness we only went to two parties because those suckers are $4.99.  here are a few more photos:

looks more like egg than cheese... i was limited to the scrap bin at the fabric store so this is what i got

cannibalism!!  (i took two bites, which was enough)

nutrition facts.  less calories than i expected. (i knew i couldn't walk around in the double down for long so i made a kfc tank top) 

no comment

i'm not really sure what i'm going to do with my double down.  i think i'll just disassemble it and put it in a giant plastic bag.  maybe i can just make something out of the foam next year. oh, and wouldn't you know, kfc is having a contest to win kfc for life: http://www.kfc.com/doubliciousdouble/ but i'm having trouble finding a full-body photo, most of them are just waist up.  i'll submit a photo for sure, but unlike the contest where i won an iPad, the thought of just straight up winning this costume contest is way more appealing than the actual prize itself.

phase 2 - making a mess

it's monday night and i'm a little behind schedule with my costume.  andy's is coming together a little quicker only because i don't have to make it from scratch.  anyway, these pics were taken last week.  didn't get to work on it much this weekend because i was out of town.  

foam mess

you know what sucks?  cutting this stuff with a utility knife. very messy but thankfully it's an easy cleanup with a vacuum. methinks it wouldn't be so bad if the blade was actually sharp. dull blade != good times. should have gone to more effort to borrow an electric carving knife as planned. 

tan tissue paper + mod podge = crinkly goodness

this part is also messy. i ran into a snafu with the tan tissue paper - originally it was wrapping for a dress i purchased at anthropologie.  i knew it would be great for the costume but i only had two pieces.  so i went back today and apparently someone who hates me and wants me to fail called them up and had them switch all their tissue paper to white.  that's not really the story, but yes, i did go back and there was no tan tissue.  i called every craft store and stationery place i could think of and no one has tan tissue.  may have to resort to using packing paper which is much heavier.  bah.

bucket full of coffee used as a dye (andy's costume)

i splattered coffee all over the place whilst swirling the fabric in the bucket, but it's the guest bathroom so i don't really care too much.  the deal with the coffee is that it gives the stark white pants that i got at a thrift store an antiqued look. i just hope the pants match the shade of the jacket that i rented. i'm also concerned that the jacket might not fit. hrm. yes, i had to resort to renting.  and yes, i am ashamed.

costume phase 1.5

i found some more materials so phase 2 is being postponed.  i decided to buy all this stuff so that if my costume needs to undergo more than 1 iteration i have plenty of supplies.  

cardboard, foam, & random synthetics

the red things you see are vinyl placemats and there's a bag of polyfill just to the left. i got all this at thrift stores.  unfortunately a small can of spray adhesive set me back eight bucks.  as you can gather from the photo i have yet to begin construction.  borrowing an electric carving knife from my grandma this weekend.  why?  to shape the foam, duh.  i got that handy tip from an instructional video about how to make a giant angry human-sized sandwich costume.  no, i'm not planning on being a sandwich...per se.  but anyway, as i sketch and envision my costume i can't help but feel nervous that maybe i've gotten in over my head.  although i guess if i fail horribly i'll have enough foam to do something lame.  like a piece of bread.  or cheese.  

making of the halloween costume, stage 1

most of you know that i like to make my own costumes for halloween (see post from November 4, 2009)

my sewing skills are rudimentary at best, and i don't have a lot of craft supplies just laying around. but my ideas are usually pretty kick-ass and i'm very resourceful.  nevermind that my mom's a champion costumer and seamstress - i only ask her to help when it's absolutely essential...or just really convenient. unfortunately i'm also very frugal and don't like to spend too much on materials, which can be the kiss of death for a do-it-yourself project. it's not like i can't afford to drop some bills at michael's craft store and the home depot, but i get way more satisfaction out of creating something using repurposed materials that i can acquire very cheaply.  

last year i spent way too much money. the result was totally cool, and i even won a contest sponsored by my hair salon (bob steele at post riverside) and got a $100 gift card so it kinda evened out.  so to avoid unnecessary expenses i'm starting this year's project many weeks in advance. hopefully i have ample time to cruise the thrift stores for materials and borrow stuff from coworkers.

i will admit that my plan for this years costume is ambitious.  obviously i'm not gonna tell you what i'm going to be, but it involves the foam that you see below:

i scored this at a goodwill store.  it was originally an exercise mat. all i did was cut the plastic sheath off to reveal the prize inside.  i didn't know how expensive foam sheeting would be at a fabric store - figured it had to be *much* more than the $4 mat i bought - so i stopped by a fabric store on the way home, just to satisfy my curiosity. when i saw the price per yard i did a celebratory dance in the aisle and quickly left the store.

next phase: cardboard and spraypaint

confused by the tube flop

i usually visit www.whiskeymilitia.com throughout the day so i don't miss any killer deals on awesome gear/apparel.  i'm usually on the lookout for cute clothes or funky shades.  anyway, check out what they had earlier today:

the tube flop by sanuk

so then i had to visit sanuk's page - http://www.sanuk.com/tubeflop - and there's a video dedicated to this product:

i'm not even sure how i feel about these. the girls in the video look cute enough wearing them. i guess it solves the age-old question: how does one wear tube socks and sandals at the same time? what a world.

oh, and i didn't purchase these if you were wondering.

i know exactly what i did to deserve this, and it rhymes with "skylight."

yesterday andy sent an email to my friend & me.  have a look:

Here are those photos of that art you really liked, now you know exactly what to order to go above your bed. I know you love photos of babies!

...Just kidding! These were in one of the bathrooms at a medical clinic I visited in Arkansas for work. They are so stupid, I had to take photos for Anne.

ok before you call me soulless, i don't *hate* babies.  i just don't find this kind of thing to be that cute.  anne geddes work gives me nightmares.


i have a feeling this is part of an elaborate payback plan for making him watch all the twilight movies with me.  if so, i have a lot of crap coming my way.

weird shit in my condo

i've been in my current residence for over a year and a half.  there is an odd assortment of stuff that is occupying some cabinet/closet space.  some of it belongs to the owner who doesn't live here, some of it belongs to the owner's half brother who was my room mate for a while but now has a home with his lady friend, and some of it is probably left over from various room mates.  since i've got the place entirely to myself now, i'm slowly going through everything and making room for the rest of the crap that i'm stashing in mary ellen's attic.  

i have given away/donated/thrown out some items (aquarium supplies, old medicines, OLD food), but a few small things remain.  sadly, the worst and weirdest stuff is still here.  have a look:

an innocent metal canister.  what's inside?

oh.  OH.  ew.  and yes, i opened it.  it's exactly what you think.

i found this in the hvac closet when i had to clear the entire thing out due to a clogged ac drain.  wtf?

view from the back.  it's a stick.  hot glued to the case. no idea, folks.

i see this every day upon entering my condo.  it's so dumb. i kinda forget it's there since i never have to look at it for more than a second. you know what, i think i'll go take it down. *done.* 

my mom used to keep me on a leash

yesterday i went to the airport to meet my mom upon her return from san francisco. there were some little kids running back and forth in the arrivals area, they were running into stuff and rolling around on the ground, getting in other peoples way, and having a blast as you can see from the video.  before i shot this clip it took me a few minutes to pinpoint who was in charge of these little hellions - no one in the vicinity seemed to be watching them.  i'm not even sure what my point is.  perhaps i am a bit envious of the freedom parents give their children these days, because when i was that age my mom kept me on a leash.  really, she did.  it was pink and had a harness. 

where's the parent?


wait a second, i do know what my point is:  if you take young kids into a very busy public place you should probably watch them a little closer. at least make sure they don't hurt anybody (or themselves, i guess) or piss other people off. and when they are disruptive, you should apologize profusely for your negligent parenting. heh. those of you who are parents are probably shaking your heads in disapproval thinking, "oh yeah? you'll understand when *you* have kids." maybe so. but for now, i'll keep whistlin' the same tune. and ps, i don't even wanna join your secret club but thanks for the well-wishes (weeks, plz don't flame me in the comments section).

jim "ices" my brother

a bunch of us went to the beach last week. chad had two smirnoff ices in his cooler and we all know those are good for one thing and one thing only.  i can't remember whose idea it was to ice my brother, but seeing as though he was the one to introduce it to me, it seemed only fitting that i'd get him at his own game.

i only have photos of the setup:

it was jim's idea to make an elephant out of towels. we spent a few minutes watching instructional videos on youtube and after a few crappy elephants we ended up with a good one.

john & marissa got to the house later that evening and after chatting for a few minutes walked right into the trap.  i'm pissed i didn't get photos but he grabbed the ice and chugged it so fast i didn't even have time to reach for my camera. john iced jim later in the week with the one remaining smirnoff. he even waited until jim had gone to the grocery store, basically giving him a chance to defend himself.

if you haven't heard of "icing a bro," it appears that you're too late to check out the original website.  i didn't know what it was either until john told me about it several months ago.  go ahead and look it up on you tube.  but don't spend too much time looking at the videos - you'll never get that time back.

best caller ID ever

look who called the office today...

intriguing.

sexcellent!

so naturally i researched the number to see who had called.  bunch of others complained it was a debt relief scammer message and showed up on many caller ids as "wirelesscocktail".  i kinda like the way our office phones truncate the name.  and i'd like to thank my coworker amy for supplying this bit of material.

"If you drive by UGA campus with your windows down they'll just toss the diploma inside your car."

i offer you this video:


disregarding the content, this has got to be the most poorly made video i've seen. ever. everything sucks - the singing, the acting, the videography, the lighting, the audio, the cast, the words to the song...i could go on. and it's funny because someone probably worked very hard on this production. and i get it - you've got a "flip" video camera and a macbook, whoopidy-doo. i mean, you don't see me trying to change the oil in my car, bake fancy cakes, or mend my own clothes. why? because i suck at these things and the results would be embarassing. so, just because you CAN doesn't mean that you SHOULD.

but seriously, i do feel bad for the people i know who went to uga and actually have talent and...no, no, i can't even say it. hah!! uga sux.

nerdy awesomeness (or awesome nerdy-ness?)

something awesome courtesy of two software applications i use frequently at work - visualHub and handBrake:

popup i get when i cancel my video processing job (visualHub).  makes me laugh every time.

and this is the popup that displays when my video is finished processing using the handbrake app.

i didn't have a cocktail in my hand the first time i saw this message so i couldn't follow the instructions properly.  in preparation for my next encode, i made myself a cocktail, took it back to my desk, and then my boss caught me with it.  apparently i can't drink on the job.  huh.

anyway it's almost 4pm on a friday afternoon.  i think my work here is done.

aahl rec league

there were some people shooting video and taking photos at my last hockey game - i dug through the 80 photos that the guy put on facebook and i didn't make any of them.  i'm bummed because they were really good photos.  here are two good ones of andy:

  but i did make one of the video clips (i'm #15 in black)

it's weird seeing that play on video, because i could have sworn i was skating *way* faster than that.

this chick's got it all figured out

i've been meaning to post this video for a while but never got around to it mainly b/c i was dreading spending time editing it. it's from tlc's "toddlers & tiaras." the clip below is only about half of what i want to show you, but i think you'll be sufficiently annoyed to get my point:

yes, i watch this show.  it's chock-full of people who deserve ridicule, primarily obese, undereducated, backasswards country women with bad hairstyles who waste obscene amounts of money on chintzy dresses for three-year-olds.  unbelievable.

the soothing voice of lois reitzes

if i need a break from hearing ke$ha - um, never - or need to catch up on politics and world events, i turn the radio to 90.1fm, WABE (npr).  occasionally i catch the "second cup" program with lois reitzes (sounds like right-sis), and while i appreciate her clear diction and dedication to the classics, i can't stand the sound of her voice.  i feel kinda bad saying that, since she's mild-mannered and her words never offend me, but if you can only depend on one thing in this in this world, it should be that i will make fun of someone or something on this blog...

i've been meaning to give you a sound byte of her for a while but never got around to it until now:


and another clip




oh, lois. i refuse to believe that she speaks like that all the time. there's just no way.  i'm hoping this is just her on-air voice, and no one ever told her how ridiculous she sounds so she just keeps it up.

my 55-yr old mom can beat up your mom

last weekend - for the july 4 holiday - andy, my mom, & i went to nashville to visit my brother john, aka "chron," & his gf marissa.  john's an avid indoor rock climber and i figured that climbing would be a fun activity that we could all enjoy together regardless of how bad we sucked.  didn't know if my mom would want to climb, but once the manager at climb nashville gave her a free pass and got her into a harness i knew it was gonna be a balls-to-the-wall kind of day.  we practically had to drag her out of the place.

learning to belay a climber

Easy climbing

andy, me, mary ellen, john, & marissa

andy was pretty good, which i will mostly attribute to his long limbs more so than his strength.  i'm sure he'll tell you something different.  i half-way expected to go in there and dominate, since i usually kick ass at stuff like this, but i was not so good. was a little embarrassed at how exhausted i was after two slightly more challenging routes.

the random drunken injury

have you ever had an awesome party weekend full of booze and general tomfoolery and then a few days later you notice all these bruises and cuts on you, and it's surprising because you have very little memory of how they got there?  bueller?...bueller?  this happened to me last weekend and i am still finding signs of random drunken injury, or R.D.I. as i'm now going to call it.  i guess this sounds way more severe than it actually is, it's not like i gashed my head open or anything, but i have a killer bruise, it's like 6 inches long, behind my knee that hurt real bad until today.  i'm pretty sure brandon's got similar bruises since we were the ones attempting to board the pontoon boat from the front - while in the water - without the aid of a ladder (ladders, ha.  i shall use my brute strength to get on the boat!)  i'm also missing a small chunk of flesh from my knuckle- got no idea how that happened.  all i know is that one minute i'm floating along in the lake and the next i'm handing andy a beer and my finger's all bloody.  weird.  and then there was that time i jumped into the lake "knees first" not realizing how shallow...yeah, that one didn't end well.  anyone else have any good R.D.I. stories?   

andy gives kfc the middle finger

you've heard of kfc's double down:

mmmm...obesity.

now i present to you, the andy parsons triple play:

bacon, cheese, hamburger flanked by chickfila breakfast fillets.

this creation was made possible by naomi & brandon sparks. they both work at the chickfila corporate office and came through with the good stuff this weekend:

why is this stuff so effin' good? also, if you're wondering why brandon't shirt looks photoshopped, it's because i needed to cover up a particular offensive logo.