wingardium leviosa

i have a sample size packet of moisturizer by juice beauty and here are some of the ingredients:

organic juice solution of *vitis vinifera (white grape) juice, daucus carota sativa (carrot) juice, simmondsia chinensis (jojoba) seed, tocopheryl acetate (vitamin e), butyrospermum parkii (shea butter).

the words in parentheses were included just as i have typed them above. surely market research hasn't proven than using scientific names for plants increases sales, or increases a consumer's willingness to pay more for a product. i would rather read that my lotion is really a fruit smoothie than see this list and try to convince myself that butyrospermum isn't at all what it sounds like.

*now i know where j k rowling gets the names for magical spells

give a larbage - pick up your garbage

sometimes i am too nice. don't believe me?

- i endorse my checks and fill out the deposit slip before i get in line at the bank
- i try to center my car inside the parking spot
- if i am driving on the interstate and see a car ahead of me on an on-ramp, i try to get over one lane to the left so that the car can merge at their leisure.
- i yield to pedestrians
- if i drop a small piece of trash in a parking lot or in a public place i will pick it up
- if i am buying yogurt or something perishable and i know i am going to eat it in the next day or so, i try to buy the one that has a "sell by" date closest to whatever "today's date" is. as in, i don't spend five minutes digging through the dairy case for the container of cottage cheese that was *just* put in there.
- if i am shopping and knock a garment off its hanger, i put it back.

i guess it's not really being "too nice." it's more like being "socially responsible."

queue-cutting

i witnessed some textbook line-cutting behavior this weekend, and i'm not talking about methods for cutting rope or twine. andy and i were at callaway gardens for my friend rachel's wedding. there were two incidents of blatant line-cutting within an hour, by the same person. the culprit: someone's grandma or great-aunt. i mean, this lady thought she was slick. she knew no one would call her out on it either because she's old and unassuming.

#1: andy and i were at the back of a somewhat lengthy line to be escorted to our seats. we probably waited in line for five minutes, and all of a sudden this lady appears right next to andy, before we were greeted and handed programs. i mean, no harm really. sometimes you gotta make allowances for elderly or disabled people, but you could tell she knew she was breaking in line because she was kinda looking around, all shifty-eyed...you know the look. and as soon as she saw that andy and i noticed her there, she started muttering to herself, "oh, my, there appears to be a line here, pardon me!" and all that baloney (bologna?). i can see how there may have been a little confusion, because there were actually two activities going on in the back of the garden before the ceremony - some people were milling about and socializing near the ushers, and some people were actually in line to be seated. however, this was the kind of event where one commonly must wait one's turn, and i think that any shred of common sense would lead one to assume there is a line.

#2: upon entering the reception site, andy & i got in line for a drink. there were maybe eight or so people ahead of us in line (one of two lines), and it was moving slowly since there were many options and people seemed to be taking their sweet time deciding what to drink. quite a line had formed behind us as well. next thing ya know, i catch a glimpse of old person entering my periphery, and whaddaya know, it's the same broad. kinda hard to miss in the white suit. the guy behind us in line didn't seem too pleased either, and just when she detected our awareness of her presence, she pulled the same crap as before, kinda looking around and saying "oh goodness me, this must be the line." seriously, lady, what the freaking hell.

BONUS INCIDENT (unrelated to line-breaking, but amusing): i was signing the guest book and noticed that the vase holding the pens was precariously propped up against part of the podium next to the book. didn't look safe. i even said to andy "look, someone's definitely gonna knock this thing off and stuff is gonna go everywhere." about 10 minutes later - CRASH - yep, someone dropped their drink...nope, the same lady knocked the vase off the podium. nice. and then she left.

conspiracy theory

the past 10 or so times i've driven to work i've seen a plastic grocery sack upside down on one of those gas line marker stumps just as you enter the paces neighborhood on ridgewood road, just after the bridge. i didn't think anything of it at first, but was reminded of something i had heard on the radio about secret codes for illicit rendezvous and other sketchy stuff. for instance, it was said that if someone puts a pineapple on their front porch, it means there is a swingers party there. so then i started thinking that maybe the bag placement was deliberate, and the people in that neighborhood are involved in some crazy stuff. i see at least 5 people walking their dogs along that route on any given day, so perhaps the dogs are in on it too. that would be pretty clever, except for the fact that i'm onto them now.