hordes of zombies

here's a recent email announcement from my office building's management:

nobody panic, the gunfire is simulated.  the horde of zombies, however...

3 years of blogging, and some toilet humor

if you glance at the archive menu on the right of the page you'll see that i've been blogging for a solid three years.  amazing that i kept it up. it's filled with as much pointless stuff as ever, and i don't intend to stop any time soon.

random anecdote: andy went to ulta with me yesterday. all i needed was to return a few things that i ended up not giving as Christmas gifts and pick up one or two things for myself. i knew he wouldn't want to go in there but he's nice so he tagged along.  i was browsing for products and he came up to me and said you know what this store needs? -i already knew what he was going to say - an area for men, like a man-cave.  i agree. but i said "well you know they have products for dudes" but he wasn't amused. funny.  but i will say, there's something oddly satisfying about a man who only buys his personal care products at grocery stores.


my coworker, "champ," was proud to show me a menu from a local thai/chinese restaurant:

i guess this explains the "special brown sauce" that is referenced in some entrees.

he asked me if i liked crab angels and thrust the paper menu at me.  when i saw the mistake, he said he thought it was good blog material.  i didn't think it was too great, but since it's been a while since i've posted i figure i'd humor him, and now it's turned into a decent post, i think. so yes, it's interesting that the mistake is on both the printed menu and the website.  this leads me to believe that there may be a situation that needs to be investigated, ie. i may need to eat lunch at this place or at least get takeout. here's the conversation that followed, perhaps you'll find it humorous.

nerdy awesomeness (or awesome nerdy-ness?)

something awesome courtesy of two software applications i use frequently at work - visualHub and handBrake:

popup i get when i cancel my video processing job (visualHub).  makes me laugh every time.

and this is the popup that displays when my video is finished processing using the handbrake app.

i didn't have a cocktail in my hand the first time i saw this message so i couldn't follow the instructions properly.  in preparation for my next encode, i made myself a cocktail, took it back to my desk, and then my boss caught me with it.  apparently i can't drink on the job.  huh.

anyway it's almost 4pm on a friday afternoon.  i think my work here is done.

best day ever

i usually stay away from writing about work stuff, but this event is totally blogworthy. for those of you who don't already know, i participated in this american idol type contest at my office building and freakin' took everyone to school. won an iPad. i'm going to keep bragging about this, so if you're sick of hearing about it... too bad.

my entourage. it seems as though champ is having difficulty with his poster. and yes i spent way too much time making paper fans with my face on them.

lots of props.

we got bonus points for wearing green/sustainable clothing. those are recycling logos pinned to my pants. in less professional situations i would outfit myself in ridiculous materials, like aluminum foil or newspaper. but since i was at work, i figured i should stick to traditional items. like pants. and a shirt. i was expecting my competitors to go all-out, since some of them went bananas with the gingerbread house competition back in december, but no, these people made me look like frickin' captain planet.

randy, paul, & simon impersonators.

these guys did a great job and were way funnier than i expected them to be. simon was ruthless, although there was always a shred of truth in what he was saying (we were all given advance notice that simon was going to be mean as part of the act).

here's what's up:

1. thanks to laura (& james), i'm now another step closer to getting a black belt in tae kwon do, however, i think our club has completely dissovled. i'm very sad. can't really afford to continue at another studio, and the odds of having an instructor like the guy in "the foot fist way" seem much too high.

2. my brother has a girlfriend. andy's already facebook-stalked her but didn't come up with much. (marissa: if you're reading this, welcome to the blog. you're gonna want to go ahead & bookmark this page. but don't check it more than once a week. i've gotten lazy and don't post very often.)

3. still addicted to snood. actually, i'm more addicted to knocking andy off the high score list on the evil setting. he's got the #3 spot on his computer, but i've got all of the nine remaining high scores. recently our friday nights have consisted of a cheap dinner out, a few beers at home, some catching up on tv, then we play video games until 3am. life's good.

4. anyone wanna buy a 1-bedroom condo in "the river west" complex? andy's selling. it's off northside parkway near mount paran. ground floor with huge patio overlooking bunch of trees. nice pool & gym.

5. celebrating chad's 28th birthday this weekend. we're all going to dress up like harry potter characters and watch all the movies back to back, and every time a character says "brilliant" or "rubbish" we're going to take a shot!!! ... actually, this is not what we're doing at all. chad, sorry if i got you excited.

6. lots of interesting goings-on at work today. here are the highlights:

transport the dummy, "sandy." all i gotta say is it's a good thing he's wearing pants.

like a glove

whose idea was it to move this thing

just making sure this thing works properly after the software upgrade

respectable, legitimate businesses

recently i was responsible for clearing out my firm's small storage facility and transferring the stuff to a larger place. it's not another storage unit, but basically an empty shop space/warehouse with an attached office in a 10-unit building. corner of south cobb drive and concord road in smyrna. location doesn't really bother me, but you won't catch me around this place after dark, that's for sure. our space is surrounded by body shops, auto custom/detail shops and similar.

warshauer law group product liability research lab ready for action

over the course of three days i moved a few truckloads of stuff in, vacuumed the dingy, threadbare carpet, and attempted to clean the bathroom, at least to the point where i wouldn't mind using it. previous tenant left a few personal items behind: toothbrush, shaving cream, scissors, white powdery substance tiny plastic bag...yikes. i took a photo to show my coworkers but sorry, not posting it here. luckily i didn't find any additional paraphernalia.

anyway, i introduced myself to the guys working outside of the neighboring shops. might as well make some friends. i'm sure they got a kick out of me.

on one side we have willie's auto care shop and on the other is "trafik jamz" custom auto shop, can't remember the guy's name, but he was working on a truck that was so jacked up he had to stand on a ladder to get in it. this is *so* not my world, which makes it totally amusing and hilarious.

photo of insane truck shielded by my tinted shop window

stealth photo of truck from a distance

totally looks like

amy & i were trying to clean some moldy furniture at the office on friday. there was a dish of soapy water that i left sitting for a few minutes. i came back into the room and was all freaked out because it looked like this:

and saturday andy & i had to help a lady move some boxes & furniture out of my office. and since no one else was around i let him ride the segway:

nothin to see here, people. just getting a soda on my segway

happy digital transition day

There's a tv in the breakroom at my office. We don't get cable, the antenna kinda sucks, and no one ever watches it. A few weeks ago it occurred to me that I could get one of those converter boxes and possibly get a bunch of channels. I got in on that $40 government coupon, bought a converter box, hooked it all up, and like magic we have about 10 channels now. So today during my lunch hour I decided to enjoy some good quality digital tv. I turned to the ch. 2 news and they had this dude on there who was the very first engineer for the station, as in, he was in charge of their very first broadcast. Pretty old guy. They brought him into the studio today so he could be the one hitting the switch to turn off the analog signal. How cool is that?! But the guy in the tux? So awesome. Apparently I missed the actual "switch" but thanks to youtuber JohnAMcGrew you can see it yourselves!

just a regular day at the office

today our office building management company put on a tenant appreciation luau. it was ridiculous. you should have seen all the *real* professionals who work in the building - they came down for the food and immediately went back up to their offices. these kind of things are always really weird but this was pretty good. good job 5th street management.

the dancers drew a large crowd

i sucked pretty bad at this.

was even worse at hula hoop contest

(the guy back there on the robo-wave stayed on for like 5 minutes, it was insane)

fire drill

there was a fire drill at my office building a few weeks ago. hooray for safety. some lady came up to me while we were all standing around on the lawn and said , directly to me like we were pals, "ugh, these are so inconvenient." before i get into this story, let me paint a picture here: this lady - let's call her "sharon" - mid-forties, average build, neat appearance, uptight & snooty-looking. snooty because her husband makes major bank but she still has to work as a secretary so they can afford a second home. she was wearing a really weird red & gold/black plaid skirt - pleated - and a red ribbed turtleneck sweater. yes, i remember that outfit because it was that bad. i know it doesn't sound bad, but it was. don't let my lack of photos inhibit your imagination. so sharon just walked right up to me and made that statement, pretty much assuming that i felt the same way, and for the record i did NOT feel the same way. maybe she was hoping we could bond over the experience of walking down a crap-ton of stairs. i don't know what floor she works on, but i'm on floor 20 so i walked down about...yep, a crap-ton of stairs. unlike my plaid friend, i welcomed the opportunity to get some exercise & enjoy the afternoon sun. i don't even think i have to mention the nice 30+ minute break from doing work, PLUS, the free publicity when everyone who works in the building is checking everyone else out as they make his/her way to safety (oh wait, am i the only one who does that?) i was pretty annoyed that anyone would make such a statement, and i said "uh, you know what would be inconvenient? AN ACTUAL FIRE." just like that, all mean and stuff.

another costume

well, sorry no post yesterday - my coworker forgot to bring in the costume for "sandy." but she brought it today, and here he is. i present his majesty:


i know, i know, this really isn't that funny.

Y-M-C-A

if you talk to me regularly or read my blog, you probably know that my boss (michael) often requires props for use in the courtroom and other such legal meetings. i walked by his office the other day and saw what i thought was a dead tree but it turned out to be a life-size posable mannequin in all his anatomically correct glory. thankfully, michael put some shorts on the dude later that day. you should have seen michael trying to dress the mannequin - it was a bit obscene, really. anyway, everyone is quite amused at michael's new man-toy, dubbed Sandy, and now that michael is out of the office for a few days we figure we'd have a little bit of fun. i dressed him in this snazzy number on friday and emailed the pic to my boss.


be sure to check back tomorrow to see what sandy's wearing!

blogging at work, about work

most of you probably know that i work for a law firm. i've never quite come up with an accurate, concise job title for myself, so when people ask what i do, i tell them that i do everything except practice law. this is often amusing to people who aren't actually interested, i.e. most of the people i've run into at engagement parties in dalton, ga. but seriously, i do a lot of stuff. it varies each day.

here's how my day has progressed:

came in at 8:30. unlocked front doors and turned on lights. emptied dishwasher. found my ongoing list of supplies that the office needs, looked up item numbers from staples website, and emailed list to the person that buys stuff. attempted to tidy up the av room. reshelved some old tapes. took photos of my coworkers for the firm's new website. listened to coworkers bitch about their photos. spent some time cropping and retouching those photos. helped coworker lay out a 4 x 6 envelope in ms word. photocopied checks, took checks to bank. took judgment from recent trial to cobb state court to be signed by judge and filed. time was approx. 12:15. nobody in chambers so i waited five minutes and buzzed again. again no answer. waited some more, buzzed some more. did every single person in that office go to lunch? sheesh. left courthouse and walked entire perimeter of marietta square. sat on a park bench for ten minutes, watched small children play on locomotive sculpture thing. watched big kids who were entirely too big to climb on the sculpture chase away the little kids and climb on the sculpture. went back into courthouse. no one in chambers. sat in front of window overlooking the square and watched the same big kids pile into a stretch limo. buzzed chambers again, no answer. unfortunately i left my cell phone in my car, so boredom came quickly. sat back in front of window. remembered i had play-doh in my purse. played with play-doh. organized my already-organized wallet. buzzed chambers yet again. no answer. strolled up and down the hallway. buzzed chambers again at 1:30, finally someone answered. dropped off file. got back to office, read email from coworkers. ate lunch. restocked beverages. put people's mugs into dishwasher. replaced toner in copier. retrieved the mail. sorted mail. made copies of stuff for boss.

some kind of boring today.

update

here is what's been going on:

1. recently moved. my room is a mess. stuff everywhere. it's killing me.
2. went to snowshoe, wv march 5-9. photos are here.
3. signed up for an ultimate frisbee league through atlanta flying disc club. did this mainly so i don't have to drive 35 miles to get my ultimate fix. plus, any form of exercise i can get is a good thing, because i hate going to the gym. blah.
4. still on a quest to save the planet. my new room mate does not recycle. his kitchen trash is always full of recyclable things. he has agreed to purchase some bins so i can collect the millions of bottles and cans he & he friends go through. seriously, you should see the 'fridge. i'll photograph it soon and post it here.
5. accused of stealing swag at work. wtf. just because stuff is on my desk doesn't mean i'm taking it home. and even if i was to take it home, i don't think you could call it "stealing."
6. craving willy's. haven't been there in like, two weeks. unbelievable! i will not allow myself to go tonite, only because i had chinese buffet for lunch and i don't think i can justify two indulgences in one day.
7. reality tv is consuming my life. i am watching: american idol, girlicious, america's next top model, the celebrity apprentice, beauty & the geek, and the bachelor. thank goodness both andy and chris (the new roomie) have dvr things.

slow day at work

its friday, my boss is not here, and i'm hungover. actually, more like still drunk from last night. there is a difference. it's amazing how much i'll drink when i don't have to pay for any of the booze. conversely, not having much money to blow has turned me into a lightweight. i get a buzz from like, half a miller light. but yeah one reason i am posting is because today is february 29th and i wanted the date stamp from blogger as proof of the awesomeness. so this concludes my post.

be nice to your office admin

chad, cathy, andy, & i went to roasters on saturday night. the service was pretty slow. chad was reminded of the time he & cathy went there when the dish washers (people, not actual dishwashing machines) were on strike. in the same spirit, i am on strike here at the office. not really for the same reasons, but you get me. on a normal day i will periodically visit the kitchen and put the few dishes from the sink into the dishwasher. this morning however i had a lot of things going on so i didn't make it into the kitchen until about 10:30 or so.

now, i don't mind tidying up after people - it kinda comes with the job. and this isn't even that big of a deal, it's just a bunch of cups with stale coffee in them. the receptionist and i joke about this at least once a week. but seriously, how hard is it to, oh, i dunno, open the dishwasher, put your mug on the rack, and then close the thing? i guess the situation amuses me because no one has even bothered to empty the sink, and i think people are afraid to say anything to me. actually, i don't blame them, i'd be scared of me too.

huge ripoff

you know what's a huge ripoff? custom printed m&m's.

here are two five-pound bags and one ten-pound bag. only the purple ones have stuff printed on them. wanna guess how much all of this cost? four hundred dollars. and if you're wondering, no, i did not buy these for myself ... although i have been known to purchase candy in bulk.

bloody monday

if you read my previous post you may be wondering if i ever acquired any blood. the answer is "not really." but i did end up with a particularly bloody liver. not sure what animal it came from.

my boss wanted the blood so he could recreate the effects of a certain medical procedure. he explained the procedure and what was supposed to happen and all that, but he used a lot of medical terms which rather confused me. apparently, a patient is supposed to drink blue powerade before surgery so that if there is leak, the doctors/staff can detect it, ie. they will see blue mixing with red/brown/color-of-bodily-fluids. i showed him two websites where one can purchase blood, but he insisted that i could get it on the streets. well, he didn't actually use those words. i asked my friend who works for cryolife, my room mate who works at piedmont hospital, and my hockey team mate who works with animals if they could some how get me some animal blood, and i came up empty-handed. and apparently nothing is "in season," according to my brother who is into hunting. my boss said he'd settle for a bloody steak or other piece of meat. i knew i could do better than a juicy cut of beef, so as a last resort i went to an international grocery store that emphasizes fresh halal meat (closer to our office than the kosher deli and the asian farmers markets). i've never been in a place like that, and i didn't really know what to expect. i was half-way imagining them slaughtering the animals in the back of the store. actually, i was hoping that was the way they did it, so that i'd get what i came for (i was armed with a plastic container, just in case). anyway, i explained to the shopkeeper that i was looking for animal blood for educational purposes. she seemed insulted that i thought that she would actually have blood to sell me, but fortunately she laughed about it too. i told her i'd just buy a bloody piece of meat, whatever she had. so she went to the back and returned with a bloody organ in a plastic, explaining that i shouldn't eat it. free of charge, because i think she just wanted me to leave.

i deserve respect and will eventually get it

hi there. here's what's goin' on:

andy & i went to steamboat springs, colorado. good times. you can check out the pictures here.

yesterday my boss asked me to get three things for him - 2 bottles of blue powerade, a box of food coloring, and blood. i wasn't sure if i had heard him correctly, but he said "blood" again, with somewhat of a smirk on his face. he suggested acquiring this at a butcher shop. i didn't ask. so today i shall ask the guy in the meat dept. at kroger if he has some blood for me. maybe i should ask my boss why he needs blood.

i have to move in one month because my room mate is getting married and her husband is moving in. she owns the place, so i'm getting the boot. fortunately i found a room to rent in the same complex, pretty much across the street.

and from my fortune cookie today at lunch: "you deserve respect and will eventually get it."

look what i found on the can of compressed air in my office -



lately i haven't really had anything to blog about. like, i'll go about my day and something amusing/noteworthy will occur, and i'll think to myself that i should mention it here. and then i'll forget. i'll forget that i was going to write in my blog, and i'll also forget what i was going to mention. so when i finally get around to posting, i'm at a complete loss. actually, i guess that in itself is something worth blogging about, so, score.